Marry My Sister? It's What God Wanted

We welcome our “sister” to join us on this episode to get her perspective on the cult we grew up in. She’ll tell us about her childhood, which included abuse in her home as well, and we’ll discuss the influence of the church on her life. Despite growing up in the same environment, we had different experiences and challenges to face after leaving our sheltered church community.

While our childhoods had moments of camaraderie, we all suffered shadows of abuse and strict religious influence. High school brought its own set of challenges, with strict church attire leading to awkward social interactions. She’ll share how being thrust into the outside world without proper social skills and support led to a period of recklessness and depression.

But fear not, her journey did not end there. She found helpers along the way who offered guidance, leading her to make positive decisions for her future. She talks about pursuing college and a successful career.

As friends, we leaned on each other to find the courage to explore life outside our sheltered childhoods and we persevered! This authentic conversation will shed light on the power of seeking help, learning from mistakes, and understanding diverse perspectives in the journey of life.

Timeline Summary:
[6:52] - Comparing the extreme abuse in our “sister’s” household to mine.
[13:23] - How she still got to have a relationship with her dad despite the church's rules.
[17:11] - Finding out her mom actually supported her college plans at first before caving to the church elders.
[24:08] - Getting kicked out of the church at 17 and going off the rails.
[26:47] - Moving away from our hometown crew entirely at 25 to start over after imploding.
[35:24] - Why our “sister” took till almost 40 to get married.

If you're digging our stories and loving the ride, do us a solid - rate us, follow the podcast, and share it with your crew. Your reviews mean the world to us and keep us bringing you more f*ck'n authentic stories. Until next time, folks, stay f*ck'n authentic!

Transcript

Nick: 0:05

We unintentionally gave up. Over time we let ourselves down. We didn't teach or respect the struggle. Our value disappeared over time replaced with masks disguised as truth. I mean, our words became empty and our presence became obsolete. Now we face our biggest struggle, and it's time to rip the masks off. More than ever, it's time to return to our true selves. Our real identity. It's time to be fucking offensive. Oh my god, guess who we have here with us today? It's your best friend. That was supposed to be my wife. It's like a three sum podcast. Right.

Nancy: 0:58

There you go.

Nick: 1:00

We talked about that before. One of the previous podcasts that before we had gotten married, that they said Nope. Can't fucking get married. Nick. Jesus has someone for you. And it's the girl that's your sister. Your sister. You know what?

Nancy: 1:16

Oh, I was like, I'm saying this. What happens? What's my sister know? It's

Nick: 1:21

like, how did you guys

Nancy: 1:23

grow up together? Well, Jesus, Sister Nancy. Oh, yeah, that's

Nick: 1:26

Well, that's true sister Nancy. But truly, yeah. But being that it was sister you it was just like

Sister: 1:33

your sister from another mister.

Nick: 1:34

There you go. Yeah, well, actually, it's funny, because so there's a backstory to that too, for even before church because our parents like my dad grew up with my uncle. My dad grew up with your dad. They all grew up in the same neighborhood. So that was even before church happen.

Sister: 1:51

Yeah, they were all friends before. I mean, it was a church, but not our church. But yeah, that's what that was the church. So we're second generation. So our kids are a third.

Nancy: 2:01

Oh, I didn't know that. I thought when the church split that that's how you

Nick: 2:05

know so my grandparents first went to that church. I think there was like, Good Shepherd or some shit like that years ago.

Nancy: 2:13

And that's what your dad was going.

Sister: 2:14

Yeah, I mean, not. And you're my Italian church. No.

Nick: 2:20

I don't even think they were married at that time. Right now. Our dads because they were younger. They where they grew up. Kids like, oh, in the in the fucking neighborhood. All the fucking Italians.

Nancy: 2:30

Oh, so you guys grew up in that little? Whedon? No, no, I know. Parents. Oh, wow. That's interesting. Look

Sister: 2:36

at are second generation,

Nick: 2:38

my sister.

Nancy: 2:41

That makes total sense now in my head. Am I doing married to you?

Nick: 2:45

But you know what, but that's actually that's actually a funny thing. Because isn't that weird that that was supposed to happen. But yet, isn't that the most fucked up thing?

Sister: 2:54

Yeah, I mean, Jesus didn't give me that memo. But I got that message.

Nick: 2:58

Yeah, I mean, I got the message. But I didn't. I didn't listen to it. Shocker. I mean, I listened to it, but I didn't go through with it. Yeah, yes, we know. That's who I was supposed to marry. But the funny thing about it is, is now after all that several decades later, you and Nancy are now best friends. We live a block from each other. Your son hangs out with with our granddaughters. Yeah.

Sister: 3:22

I always say Nick did good picking and giving how old we were. We have known each other for a very long time. Very long time. Yeah, we had an expedited so

Nick: 3:35

you guys expedited six months.

Sister: 3:38

didn't waste any time you guys met relatively young even though we go further back right makes our typical good ways back without right that Oh, no, we're not.

Nick: 3:50

With that being said. That awesome introduction. We wanted to have you come on because we were in the same church. We got brought up the exact same way. Yes, you guys did your mom was like a leader in the church. My mom was a leader in the church. You know what I'm saying? Like they had the inside scoop on everything right? I inner circle. The inner circle. That's it. Yes. The icy the inner circle are the so fuck that the fucking action team. Yes, that's right. That's what

Sister: 4:21

it was. See where the action elders and all that stuff was part of the team to at least the secretary.

Nancy: 4:29

This is true. This is true.

Nick: 4:31

Your mom played the piano and she did she Anna she was the piano with

Sister: 4:36

that center front.

Nick: 4:39

Yeah, we literally experienced all the same things. But we literally have a completely different fucking perspective.

Sister: 4:49

Yes, in different paths, different paths, different perspectives. Even though throughout we were always in tandem in parallel, we Yeah, we were always there for each other, let's say.

Nick: 5:03

Yeah, I mean, again, I got kicked out when I was young 13. Everybody, mostly, except for one other guy. I think at that time, everybody still stayed there until the place broke up. Yeah, it was a little different, where I sort of got kicked out. I was away for a few years. And then came back. But backslider I was excommunicated. I was Satan. What I want to get at, and what I want everybody listening to understand is that's why the different perspectives, and I think those, they're really actually pretty far apart. But yet, wow, we're still like, you're my wife's best friend. You were like, still like brothers and sisters. Yeah, we you can have a difference of opinion or a difference of life. And still, this is the whole point of this podcast is we're all fucking human. Yeah, we all have our own, whatever you want to call them beliefs, feelings, emotions. But that should never get in the way of genuine friendship cracked. So with that, I would just sort of want to go from the beginning for you, right, your perspective, because I know that you went through the same things and you didn't have the feelings that I had, or when you talk about getting saved, sanctified, and filled with the Holy Spirit and all that kind of stuff. The give me sort of your perspective and rundown, we could talk about it if you want. We don't have to talk about this. But there was also a lot of abuse in your home. And I would venture to say to be honest with you, even though I had my own abuse daily, whether it's emotional or physical abuse, I think in your position, there was probably more abuse going on in your home than anybody that we grew up with.

Sister: 6:52

I would agree. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think where we have, what we have in common is that our mothers were both walk the line, Spare the rod, spoil the child, all that stuff. Yeah, they were very foolishness out of us. While we have came to find out later that not every parent was that way. We were in your own home, you don't know that you are basically seven days a week you assume every home is the same as yours. But yeah, I would say my mother took it to the extreme. And I think part of it too, is there's mental issues in our family. So I think that combination of like genetic, mental instability will call you to put a time.

Nancy: 7:40

so kind, so kind of

Sister: 7:42

combined with this particular church that she landed in, really made the perfect storm of an major, very bad.

Nancy: 7:51

So how does she land in this church? Because I mean, your dad was with her went to church, you went to church just like Nick's parents first

Sister: 7:59

did from from my understanding, because of course the adults in our life never really talked about and and and so much of it was distasteful that people didn't want to talk about it. And a lot of it was very secretive. So there's not a lot of truth with respect to how that all started. But my understanding is, my dad and mom were both in the same church at the same time they met they're both Christian. Let's just do this. You know what I mean? They were young, too. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Early 20s.

Nick: 8:27

Like my mom, my mom and dad were fucking up. My mom got married. 1718 years

Sister: 8:33

old. I mean, it's outrageous to think of that now that you're married with children at like, 1819 years old. It is crazy. I really changed a lot. Think about your maturity level at that age. And no, totally. I

Nancy: 8:43

was just telling them yesterday when we're riding bike, like, I didn't realize how old the people were that were in the church. And I'm like, they were young.

Sister: 8:52

Yeah, yeah. So that was but that was pre the current the church we grew up and that was pre that right? And then my parents got divorced. When I was three months old. My mom went on her own path of destruction. It's the 70s Let's do she did that whole business with adults young adults did in the I don't know what you're talking about. And then she got recruited to join this church by some someone in that circle. I can't remember exactly who but yeah, came into there. When we were like I was probably I, that's one of the disclaimers I wanted to know is my memory as far as like yours and specific events is very fuzzy. But other people have Total Recall like you and you

Nick: 9:38

know, you said that over the years. You've I remember you telling Nancy all the time, because Nancy was always interested about sort of this, this particular thing, and I think it's interesting, you still went through it, yes. But our minds deal with things completely different ways. And this is one of those instances that blows me away, because it's so fucking real to me and I Remember it just like it's yesterday. And you You remember it, but you don't remember like the details of it? What do our minds doing? Right? I'd love to have somebody on here who, who can sit down and talk to us about how is that possible that someone can remember something in such detail? We go through the same exact fucking thing. And someone else is just sort of fuzzy and well,

Nancy: 10:25

obviously, but you weren't. I mean, you basically said that within your walls, it was totally different than your walls. Maybe that abuse had something to do with

Sister: 10:33

the Yeah, I mean, I've pulled out therapist here, I guess. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, I've heard therapies that it's like a self preservation mechanism, right, because I was the observer to the amount of abuse that was going on in my house. So I was not as far as I recall, not the subject of a lot of that abuse. Because I was the middle child that was like, you told me to go eat sand. I will eat sand as quickly as why we

Nancy: 10:59

get that's why we get along. I was the same way. I was the

Sister: 11:01

rule follower. And

Nick: 11:03

oh my god use exactly.

Nancy: 11:05

You want me to iron all these coals for you. And I'll take me 15 hours. I'm here for you want me to do? Yeah, I'm there.

Nick: 11:11

Yeah, you guys have a rule? I hate you. I respect

Sister: 11:16

I respect the ability to stand in the face of that kind of Absolutely. Power and push against it. I just didn't have it. Other people did. You did. And I actually respect that because you were able to be yourself no matter what. Like that's, that's huge. At that age at that age. Yes. But for me, I that was not my approach. I was like, alright, but I'm certain my memory loss or lack of memory, either. It's just how some people are built. Yeah, but I'm sure it was a self preservation because there was a lot of really screwed up stuff between being in the church and in our home and other things.

Nick: 11:55

It's a form of PTSD. Yeah, I again, I don't know, just me talking to a therapist after 50 years was like, what me? I don't have a fucking problem. And then all of a sudden, you go to a therapist, and you're like, oh, no, you have a fucking problem. Oh, well, thanks. Okay. What do you put it on the table? You tell me what to do? See, it got the

Sister: 12:16

picture. That being said, I was definitely very, very depressed. If I think about my childhood and try to conjure up like, what was I doing? How did I feel? I was very, very depressed, in hindsight. And it manifested itself later as an as an adult. I mean, it was just a very dark cloud, you had moments where you could enjoy things, obviously, us being friends, all the kids, we got along we need, we took our situation and had as much fun as we could with the boundaries of what we were allowed to do. And honestly, our father had interest in seeing a so he had visitation. You know what I mean? So different than a lot of the kids, of course, was the MO a single mom, not much education, a bunch of kids, let's let's bring them into this. Because those are the weakest people that we can find. We were very lucky. On our side, at least me and my sibling that we had a father who cared enough to be stay involved. I guess he could, despite all the others.

Nick: 13:23

I think this goes back to just part of my story. This is part of the difference, right? You and your sister had your dad that wanted to do that. We had some other friends whose grandparents were very much involved in them. And every Sunday or whatever

Sister: 13:39

they were, we know in the normality,

Nick: 13:41

we were told just the opposite, right? If we were to see my dad, we needed to run. Because if we didn't, we would go to hell because there was a black cloud over him. So I think the dynamic there was the difference between the leadership and the preachers of the Church we were going to after my dad's aunt and uncle, my great aunt and uncle had left to open up their own church and there was that animosity and that hatred towards each other that they allowed and portrayed on to their kids. And so then that's where that got fucked up. Yeah, being again in the same place but completely different experiences with that and it was weird when I say that because when I say different experiences that doesn't make sense to me because literally we grew up those were the only people you were able to hang with Yeah 365 days a fucking year. Christmases, Thanksgivings birthdays, everything you couldn't school it was 24 Sam Yeah, you couldn't use so it was weird though that that was even taking place and and that though goes to the point of even our parents how hypocritical things were. Because if that's the way God wanted it, that how the fuck were you getting to see your mom and your dad? Right?

Nancy: 14:53

That's exactly what I was just gonna say. I'm like, How the fuck was so two sided?

Sister: 14:57

It was the law. I mean, he was file.

Nancy: 15:00

No, no, I totally get it. But I mean, still Yeah, you know, it's just such a difference.

Nick: 15:06

So there were differences, obviously, what we went through when you were very depressed I want and you didn't remember things as much, which is a lot of self preservation. Right? So going through it being an observer more than actually being, I wouldn't say you weren't abused.

Sister: 15:21

I know I wasn't the I wasn't the victim of physical abuse. You weren't

Nancy: 15:26

the punching bag in your household was

Sister: 15:28

not the person who was getting right. No, not, not me. But all the mental, everything that came with the brainwashing the thing that does stand out, though, is that when I was in high school, I was really motivated to go to college. And my mom at the time supported that I was really good in school, I filled out all the forms that you would do, I went to a really good high school that prepares you for college. And in the beginning of my senior year, I took all the SATs, I was really motivated, and my dad was ready to fund all of that, which is a huge opportunity. And then the next thing I know I'm in that back office at the church with the elders, including my mother at that table saying, How dare you think you can go to college? Education is putting yourself above God. And just slayed down.

Nancy: 16:23

I didn't realize that she was okay with it at first. Oh,

Sister: 16:25

yes. She promoted it. I mean, I was at her alma mater High School. That's high school she graduated from it was like a lot of like, energy around. I'm gonna get to go to college. Everything and then wow, without having a conversation with me beforehand. I get pulled into that room. at that table.

Nick: 16:45

I can throw punch you right in front of all these people. Yeah, it was downhill from there. I

Sister: 16:49

mean, that's sort of just

Nancy: 16:50

how the fuck was that? Yeah.

Nick: 16:52

This is like weird. Realize that. Yeah, this is the first time I'm hearing that your mom. And this is an interesting point was even behind you, when we were growing up. Education was nothing right? That's why I'm like so shocking. As a matter of fact, fuck

Nancy: 17:09

was she on that

Sister: 17:11

day, it must have taken her back to those days because she was also an academic. Yes, she was go to college. And that did not work out for her. So maybe in a way she was living vicariously through me. And then that edge of her world

Nancy: 17:26

so somebody must have found out in church Yes. was happening when

Sister: 17:29

he found out and yeah, I just got pulled in as if I had

Nick: 17:33

so instead of her taken that instead of her saying no, I bet my life. She wasn't she threw you under the bus gave you a quick fucking fist to the throat.

Sister: 17:44

I mean, it's throughout your life. There's critical decision points, decisions that you make or other people make for you that change the course of your life. And that was definitely one of

Nick: 17:55

my question is because I was already out, right? I was gone. So you were in the school, the church had to school, the

Sister: 18:02

church and the school to go to public school because they didn't offer junior and senior. So

Nick: 18:08

that's what it was. So you didn't I was in eighth grade. I was

Sister: 18:13

gone. Yeah. So I'm in this small church, six kids in my class. So many years. I know. And then yeah, so they stopped offering for whatever reason, they probably didn't have people smart enough

Nick: 18:24

to teach those classes. Either smarter. Did

Nancy: 18:27

you say that? Louder? No, no.

Sister: 18:28

So I went from six seven kids in my class for several years to high school poli High School of 3000. Kids. Yeah.

Nick: 18:36

I'm just gonna say something here real quick. When you said that about the teachers. I'm sorry. I don't mean to go off subject. 3000 Kids, let's remember. Yeah, I right now would fucking challenge any of those people, any of those adults? Who has the balls to actually get on this podcasts with us? I want to know their point of view here. Definitely. Like I want to know their story. This isn't a place of judgment. I'm not here to judge. I personally, I don't know where you stand on this. Honestly. We've never really talked about it. I've personally forgiven I don't give a fuck yeah, there's a couple people that I would probably throw punch. I would say there's a couple of people I'm not gonna,

Nancy: 19:14

well, we don't invite those here then. I'm just long distance. Maybe.

Sister: 19:19

bygones be bygones? We've been out of it long. We were in all that good stuff.

Nick: 19:25

Our lives are awesome. Yeah, we have great fucking lives. So I'm not worried about that. But I just would love to get the perspective. And the insight as to one of those adults going through this to come onto this podcast. Yeah. And actually bear their fucking soul. Because you want to talk about healing. But anyway, go ahead. 3000 students, you go in

Sister: 19:48

Yeah, obviously culture shock. I soaked up the academics socially, obviously, a hot mess. I couldn't go to my locker because people would talk to me so I would carry my bags around. I wear skirts. Every day there was a 13 minute homeroom that I would just grit my teeth and everyone would guys would make fun of me and all you know what I mean? So all the social socially I was Iraq but in the picture here arrived.

Nick: 20:12

We're talking about the way you dress is exactly. And I think I said this before in the very first episode. It's almost like Amish. Nearly you know what I mean? Like,

Unknown: 20:22

yeah, nice miniskirts? Yeah. Because the girls had to wear at least a three quarter sleeve and below, below the knee. We were wearing leg warmers because it's the only thing trendy we fashionable and we remember the closest

Nick: 20:35

thing to a bit of luck and

Sister: 20:37

they look different every single day not like just once in a while looked weird. So I had zero social skills to deal with my peers. That's the fucking truth. Well, you got out a little earlier and that way you were around well, even though relation before us. Yeah,

Nick: 20:54

this is about you. But even when I went to school, I had no fucking clue. Like, seriously, there's this black dude, we didn't know. Seriously, how did we grow up? It was all white fucking people. There were no they were prejudiced. Of course, but I mean, let's just say what it is. But but when I went to school, and I saw this dude, I honestly was like, to him big dude. His name was Ulysses. I'll never forget it. And I said to him, I says, Man, you just out of sheer observation. So man, you got some big lips. Seriously, I was a fucking kid that grew up and about altered and fucking, I had no clue. And that motherfucker punched me in the washer right smack in my fucking mouth. That's why

Sister: 21:36

whenever anybody talks about and I know homeschooling or whatever, all this stuff, there's so much as changed. And ours was very different because it was a cult. But anytime there's Let's separate ourselves from the outside world to protect us. And this is good for it's not good for you. You need to be out in the world.

Nick: 21:52

You need to fail your you need to social skills, the good and the bad.

Sister: 21:55

Yeah. 100% need to be out in the world. Yeah, it's trying to shelter your kids from harm. And by putting them in these really small little bubbles. It doesn't serve you later,

Nick: 22:04

this motherfucker punched me in the face. And you know what he said to me? Now you know how it feels? To have some big motherfucking lips? That's actually he did. Yeah. And I was like, Okay, I'll never say that, again, is beyond his years. I learned a lot of lessons in that one.

Nancy: 22:19

You learn it pretty quick.

Sister: 22:21

Well, that was that was the theme because I laughed at what like 17 is when the church broke up, and I immediately left home. And that was on my own from 17 and beyond. And from 17 to however old I am right now, I'm still Arrested Development, you had to figure it out on your own. And it's not like we had friends in the general population, we can be like, how am I supposed to navigate? Well,

Nancy: 22:44

your friends were in the same church.

Nick: 22:47

Or if you did what we were nobody really understands what you went through. So it didn't matter. Because they couldn't even give you advice based off of experience. Yeah, especially they could maybe give you some basic fucking point in

Sister: 23:01

time when you're alive. And you start like noticing the opposite sex or whoever you're attracted to then 12 You know what I mean? All of those. We didn't know any milestones that you get. We skipped all of those at the right age. And then we it's like getting thrown and

Nancy: 23:15

thrown into the deep end. And we talked to like your mom. It's like, that fear that you always had you were going to hell so

Nick: 23:23

you're out. Yeah. And the church breaks up. Yeah, so that wasn't like purposeful thing like you left a backflip the church actually fucking broke up that for so sure will be discussed. We will I'm sure when I got kicked out at 13. Dude, it was like I was a totally different person. But I had so much anger and animosity and questions and pain and fear and all that shit that I had to figure out on top of being 13 years old on top of learning life like the world I didn't even know you were 17 You went through a little bit more right? Other than 13 which in these years doesn't matter, because you were still sheltered. It's the same bullshit. What happens though, after that,

Sister: 24:08

so my focus so fucking crazy after that was I mean, I obviously didn't go to college, some of our peers join the armed forces because it was like, they don't know what to do. So let's just go do that or so I got a job. Thankfully, my sister was already out in the real world and got me a job. So that was great. So I knew I needed a job and somewhere to live. And then yeah, it was, I did go off the rails, all the things that you would do in your teens, I was doing in my late teens, early 20s. I probably went off the rails easily. Doing everything, everything, just smoking, the wearing of the pants,

Nancy: 24:48

so to make up to

Sister: 24:51

because I didn't know how to that was. That's an art form. I never learned it. I still have it.

Nick: 24:57

But I think it's so funny is that we're talking Talking about you went crazy. And we're talking smoking. And we're talking wearing pants. Do it this is you are so crazy oodles of television. Off to me like I still laugh. We laugh because this is years past and we went through it and we're much better people. But two that is fucked up. We're talking about bad things. And we're talking about wearing pants and letting your hair down and,

Sister: 25:27

and obviously drinking and drugs, you know, only because I didn't want to die. I think I was around heavy drugs, but I just never wanted to try it like drugs. Bring it? Yeah, alcohol. Too much. Yeah, but yeah, and all the bad decisions you make when you're doing those kinds of things, combined with the fact that you don't know how to handle your health. So socially. So it's a really bad combo. But on top of being depressed, yes. And to your point where you're angry, and you're lashing out and all this stuff. Depression is as they say, anger turned inwards. So you were letting your anger out. Yeah. All this time, I'm distracted by all the things I was doing. I'm depressed. So that doesn't finally manifest itself as I need help. Until I was in my 20s. When I lived in Virginia, I had what they called, you know, a psychotic break. And the whole my whole world fell apart. That's when I started getting treatment and was on that I was seeing both kinds of doctors and taking antidepressants for many years before I finally got myself back together. But thankfully, I was able to maintain a job and everything. But yeah, the depression was definitely through line throughout all of that. And then

Nancy: 26:47

you left here, you left the people you knew, and were close to yeah, all your life, because you wish we were still hanging around with all those people. I mean, I know our house became a party house, and everyone would just come over. You decided, like what made you think that I think that was like my biggest Soviet besides other you know, I get it. But what made you decide, I need to go back to college.

Sister: 27:11

So there was a couple things. And there's a couple of adults that were really pivotal in my life and making that decision. So again, I told you, my sister helped me get a real job in the city, which was great. If you can type, he can get a job back then. So I was a secretary at an ad agency and my boss, Ernie Brown, who I may have passed by now. But he was an amazing person and really gave me he was like my mentor. So I'm working at this company, and I hit my salary cap. Oh, even better. That's Yes, you can only make so much money as a secretary.

Nick: 27:44

I mean, you could have done other things to make a little more

Nancy: 27:50

that I could attack. She just got out of church for crying. And

Sister: 27:53

then my mom's my mom, what's

Nick: 27:55

the fuck she was rather

Sister: 27:56

who was always there for us? My uncle, Oh, wow. Has throughout his life. Even though he lived on a different coast, he would come in, it was his sister, we were his nieces and nephews. So he would come in and sort of always come in and clean up the messes domestically, buy food or do whatever to take care of us when he was in town. And he had the foresight to say, look, you're at a point in your life. It's a decision time, if you want to go to college now as an adult, I was 25, I will help you do that. Oh, wow. So it was that combination of and I will never, I'm always indebted to those two people, one for earning being such a mentor. And when I quit, he said, If you quit for any other reason, I wouldn't let you do it. But that's a great thing to do. And my uncle just for having the foresight of saying I'm going to help you be successful. He helped me pay off my debts. And what got me started, he wasn't envisioning that I would leave the state of Illinois when I made that. But I really was just ready for a fresh start. And I had a friend who lived in Pennsylvania, and I'm like, why not gonna do this? I might as well go back. And it was really because I knew our mutual friend in Pennsylvania and Penn State was a good school. And I'm like, This sounds all sounds really cool. Now that I can see beyond just my little job in this little right thing. Yeah, they helped open that up for me. That's all so

Nick: 29:23

you, you wind up going to college, you wind up going back there and you wind up getting out of college? Yes. And you wind up staying there for a while to actually work because I

Sister: 29:32

basically got recruited out at school to the current company that I am. So wow, that was sort of like another piece of the puzzle where if I had gotten out of college, and it's so tough now to find a job, but at that time in that industry, they recruited you onto your campus. It was a 45 minute interview, and I got an offer letter in the mail. And I'm like, All right, that seems like the right thing to do. Yeah.

Nick: 29:59

So I just think it's Awesome because this, this goes to the point that we talk about, we just don't realize what we go through in our lives, like we really don't like we just do it, we just go through in here you are going through the same situation that I did, I'll be at a different perspective, but it was the same thing. You get out, you're 17, you still don't know what life is about. You don't know how to handle yourself, you go crazy for like seven or eight years, you just easily you decide to get out of that you get help getting out of that, which is awesome, which is so fucking key. Somebody helping out. Nobody had to do that.

Sister: 30:37

Well, that's one of the things too is we didn't have a support other than each other as friend. We had no supports. And I can't say dad was there and all these pitiful people in my life. But on a day to day basis. No, you guys didn't have any. Like now I call Google my mom, because everything I need to know.

Nick: 30:54

But when we're growing up, we don't even look to our house. When we're growing up, we don't even look as our parents as a support system. Right? They're just your parents right? Now as adults, we realized that that was some sort of a support system. Right. But I think going through all of this, we don't realize and then just the fact that there is a company, which is a major company that you still work for today, like one of the largest companies in America. Yes. They come to your school, little you. You know what I'm saying? Don't have a clue where you came from. Don't know where your minds at none of that. And they give you a chance, but you busted your ass to get to them. Oh, this wasn't something like that. Just Oh, somebody just handed over your ass. That's the point here.

Sister: 31:42

Yeah. When I was in college, I had one major thing going for me, which is this has to work or I fail. And I have no no fallback. Because that's one thing. And the other thing that now I'm I'm not, I am a smart person. But the level of education we had, especially in math was a huge Crippler.

Nick: 32:05

But this is why did but no, this is my point. This is why this is such a big fucking deal. Yes.

Sister: 32:10

Huge. Yeah. And I paid Yeah. And I paid me. So now I'll give myself props.

Nancy: 32:16

That's it right there. It's like we go through it. And we don't realize all the shit we tell you right now you as my drink.

Nick: 32:26

You have to fucking see that's the thing we never give ourselves. We don't love ourselves enough. And I'm not trying to get deep here. But I'm saying we don't. We don't care or love ourselves enough to give ourselves credit for the fucking shit that we went through for what we had to endure as kids. We're talking kids

Sister: 32:47

that sets the baseline for your for your whole life. Live your whole life.

Nick: 32:51

Yeah, get out and do what you do. And with that beginning, you're still fucking who you are today. Yeah. Which is unbelievable. And, and anybody who is in your life should be fucking grateful. Yeah, and I mean,

Nancy: 33:06

I am I am grateful. I'm saying no, I think yeah, to

Nick: 33:11

be able to be in the presence. And this is why people don't know we go through it. We're not going out here doing and I know, it takes a lot of courage to come on here and do this. Because you're putting yourself out there. You're You're becoming vulnerable. I hate those fucking words vulnerable trigger trauma, all the fucking new woke fucking slang. But the bottom line is it's true. You're putting yourself out there. Nancy talked about this on one of the podcasts where you're like, I don't really want people to know some of this stuff. But it's like, the fuck is going on? What are they going to do to you? And I'm not saying we need to say names and all that. I'm just saying that we need to give ourselves credit for the fucking bullshit for the absolute abuse that we went through.

Sister: 33:51

Yeah, we were we were Yeah, at risk coming out the door, as they say now, but yeah, you have to dig deep and find your own grit. When you look up and realize there's really nobody around you on a day to day basis. Again, I want to minimize all the support I got from the people in my life that really gave me so much. But at the end of the day, it's you. And if you don't do it, it's not going to happen. Yeah. Yeah. That's reality of it. Versus and of course, we're not the worst case. And we're not the best case. But that was my my motivation throughout all of that was I've got to get myself well because if I'm like freaking out then I'm on the street. So I have to pull together.

Nick: 34:37

You lived in your car. Yeah, I remember it. Yeah. I mean, I remember it before you lived in your car friends couches and couches and whatever it takes whatever it took,

Nancy: 34:49

and that's it right there. It's whatever took you actually go through it. You Yeah, it's awesome.

Nick: 34:55

So you get out of college, you're banging it. You're doing your thing. You're you're moving along and All throughout the years, you're still doing it. One of the things that we always were like, Yeah, but when is she going to fucking get married? Because dude for a while there, so you went through your thing, right? And I understand you weren't ready to commit to something, which was another thing. Do you think that part of that was because you might have had commitment issues or love issues or something? Because it did take a little bit? I mean, yeah,

Sister: 35:24

no, it definitely took a long time. I think it was two probably two major factors. One is, when I got out of school, it was all about the grind and the work. I was literally a shell of myself at a house here I was working from you are working 8am to midnight, one in the morning, I was surrounded by people who were in the same boat, like all of us were out of college. Granted, they were five years younger, what have you, but it was all about the work combined with the fact that I still didn't really know how to

Nancy: 35:58

date people or social aspect was the social aspect of it.

Sister: 36:03

Like I still had while I was having my time when I was trying to learn things. I wasn't doing it right. So trying to have a healthy, strong relationship with a good person, no clue how to do any of that. I didn't come out of my work mode. Until I was settled in my job. I'm like, alright, and I looked up and I'm 30 something years old. I'm like, Oh, wait, I'm single. But we talked a lot about it at the time. I didn't meet my current my first husband as I like to call it my husband until I was what 39 Yeah, he

Nick: 36:38

was he's, he was a catch. He is a cat. She is

Sister: 36:42

tall. So no, but yeah, I had a real Izzy I looked up and is a woman that's really, really late. I know. It's common in a lot of places. But yeah, then then that became my job like, Alright, I've got my work things sorted out,

Nick: 36:55

even though we've been friends this whole time, our whole lives. And even though we're around the same age, yep. Your son is the same age as our granddaughter. Yes. So that's. So that's, there's nothing wrong with that. I just, it just goes to show again,

Nancy: 37:13

it happened. People know, we

Nick: 37:15

can't have it. Yeah,

Sister: 37:16

I mean, and I think as far as us, you and I and Nancy, throughout all of that being living across states, we did maintain our friendship. And I am really so grateful. Because not everybody has those kind of roots. In friendship, we're saying that where you can stay friends, no matter where you are, geographically, you have such strong roots, that you're always going to reconnect or stay connected, and still to

Nick: 37:45

this day, and even with your sister and her kids. And now they have kids. It's crazy. So it's awesome. It's unimaginable to some people, especially going through what we went through. And so I think that that's pretty awesome. No, it is. So maybe we'll get together at some point in the future

Nancy: 38:07

just having a conversation here.

Nick: 38:09

Which is so fucking No, we

Nancy: 38:10

really appreciate it.

Nick: 38:12

Ya know,

Unknown: 38:13

what's awesome for you

Nick: 38:15

to also, I don't know, I just for us, like just talking about this shit. Just released. It feels just free just to just even let it go even more. You know what I'm saying? And I know we're old and I know it's been a while but you just put it out there and the fucking Universe picks it up and does whatever it wants with it and people can do whatever they want with it. And I think we'll get together later time. Yeah, at a later time and thanks

Sister: 38:39

for being so fucking authentic.

Nancy: 38:43

Thank you.

Nick: 38:45

I cool. So I hope everybody enjoyed you guys listen on to the next episode because we're going to just keep going with this story. Adios