In this episode, Nancy I got into how fast time flies as you get older. Seems like just yesterday we were kids, now the holidays are already here again. The years go by quicker when you're stuck in repetition instead of learning and experiencing new things. I need to start doing more exciting stuff if I want to slow down Father Time.
That led into how we get aggravated at people not meeting our expectations. But our expectations are just something we made up in our heads. People are not going to understand where we're coming from if we don't take the time to understand them. We're all going through our own sh*t every minute of the day. I can't expect someone to just automatically know what I want them to do. Gotta be more specific in my communication if I want different results.
My perspective and experiences aren’t universal. If I keep treating people based on my expectations instead of who they really are, I'm just going to end up pissed off and pushing them away. Time to rethink this egocentric nonsense.
One example is how I thought I was raising my son to be happy and healthy, the opposite of my childhood. But then we were told he's traumatized and I couldn't understand it. Had to realize he's his own person who went through things I'm not aware of. My expectations of being a good dad didn't match up with his reality. That was a tough pill to swallow but it helped me become more open-minded.
Overall, we got to stop assuming everyone should inherently understand us and do things our way. They’re on their own path. Best thing is to share, listen and try to understand each other's perspectives. Easier said than done when you been through real shit and had to figure life out on your own. But staying closed off with expectations, assumptions and ego will just lead to more pain. Time to peel back the layers and connect as human beings.
Timeline Summary:
[00:50] How time passes quicker when you get older.
[02:22] Backing cars into each other shows being on autopilot.
[04:02] Our expectations have alienated people.
[07:13] Getting aggravated at people not meeting expectations at work.
[13:19] Building walls to avoid dealing with emotions.
[15:37] Expectations lead to disappointment.
[18:58] Can't expect people to inherently understand us.
[20:24] Didn't see my strictness as expectations.
[22:33] Really noticing these patterns now.
[27:08] Importance of human connection.
If this episode resonated with you, please rate, follow, share, and leave a review. Your support helps more people find this podcast and know they're not alone. Until next time!
In this episode, Nancy I got into how fast time flies as you get older. Seems like just yesterday we were kids, now the holidays are already here again. The years go by quicker when you're stuck in repetition instead of learning and experiencing new things. I need to start doing more exciting stuff if I want to slow down Father Time.
That led into how we get aggravated at people not meeting our expectations. But our expectations are just something we made up in our heads. People are not going to understand where we're coming from if we don't take the time to understand them. We're all going through our own sh*t every minute of the day. I can't expect someone to just automatically know what I want them to do. Gotta be more specific in my communication if I want different results.
My perspective and experiences aren’t universal. If I keep treating people based on my expectations instead of who they really are, I'm just going to end up pissed off and pushing them away. Time to rethink this egocentric nonsense.
One example is how I thought I was raising my son to be happy and healthy, the opposite of my childhood. But then we were told he's traumatized and I couldn't understand it. Had to realize he's his own person who went through things I'm not aware of. My expectations of being a good dad didn't match up with his reality. That was a tough pill to swallow but it helped me become more open-minded.
Overall, we got to stop assuming everyone should inherently understand us and do things our way. They’re on their own path. Best thing is to share, listen and try to understand each other's perspectives. Easier said than done when you been through real shit and had to figure life out on your own. But staying closed off with expectations, assumptions and ego will just lead to more pain. Time to peel back the layers and connect as human beings.
Timeline Summary:
[00:50] How time passes quicker when you get older.
[02:22] Backing cars into each other shows being on autopilot.
[04:02] Our expectations have alienated people.
[07:13] Getting aggravated at people not meeting expectations at work.
[13:19] Building walls to avoid dealing with emotions.
[15:37] Expectations lead to disappointment.
[18:58] Can't expect people to inherently understand us.
[20:24] Didn't see my strictness as expectations.
[22:33] Really noticing these patterns now.
[27:08] Importance of human connection.
If this episode resonated with you, please rate, follow, share, and leave a review. Your support helps more people find this podcast and know they're not alone. Until next time!
Nick:
It's time to get fucking authentic. Okay, we're on.
Nancy:
Okay, let's go nach.
Nick:
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the fucking authentic podcast.
Nancy:
Hey guys.
Nick:
It's like I just want to try and be an announcer one time. I don't know, maybe it'll work. But no be in front of 20 million people just like talking some shit and everyone's new oh man,
Nancy:
let's just start with this first.
Nick:
Yeah. Anyway, yeah, so hey, what's going on guys? We are actually sitting here contemplating the freakin holidays that are coming up.
Nancy:
I know it's crazy, dude.
Nick:
It's like, I know if we sound real fucking all but it's like, oh my god the time flies. Tonya, right? She was saying something about like, what did she say?
Nancy:
You have no idea. You get old. The reason we notice why we're getting old is because as a child, you're doing new things all the time. But as you get older, it's stuff that's like repetitions. You're doing it all the time. There's nothing. So her recommendation was?
Nick:
Wait, did she hear this from somebody or something? Oh, she heard it. We're doing it. We're doing an episode. You need to stop playing games on your phone. Turn it off. Put it down. Wow. See how that goes. People. See, even we're sitting here to taping we're not taping we're recording an episode. She's on her phone playing games, because she expects to this is why she never talks. That's yeah, you guys are really starting to get to know real essence.
Nancy:
conversation at hand. So anyways,
Nick:
so she said that there was a study done in the study was that as we get older, we're doing the same things repeatedly over and over again, the same Yeah. And as a child, we're constantly doing different things. So our life isn't passing us by as quickly. Because we're constantly learning new things. And we're constantly experiencing new things. And I thought that was interesting. And I feel like fuck, now I need to really start experiencing new things. And maybe that'll slow down my life.
Nancy:
I mean, you said it even with the cars over the weekend,
Nick:
when you factor in? Oh, yeah, we let's not even talk about that. Now that you brought it up, I backed into I used her vehicle to back into my vehicle in the garage. So now we have two vehicles that are smashed at once. And I was doing a good clip too, wasn't it?
Nancy:
Oh, yeah. Got it all on camera was kind of funny. I couldn't hide it if I fucking want to fucking stop. Just stop when I hit the car. So that was one of the things you had said. Because you do that all the time. When you come. It's repetitive, right?
Nick:
Like there's no current, there's no truck in the garage. So when I was backing up, literally, I think just from habit and from just the mechanics and the robotics of everyday life. You just I'm just backing into the garage and bam, and You
Nancy:
sure did. Holy funniest part was when you back then it was like,
Nick:
Oh, when I pulled out? Yeah, it was. I think you guys like ripping off from the other. You got out of
Nancy:
the car and you were just like,
Nick:
Oh, dude, I was laughing. I just really wasn't laughing when I got a car. No, you weren't when I watched the video. That was hilarious. I was like, sitting there rubbing my head going. Really? How the fuck did this happened? It happened. Man, I'll tell you the things that we experienced as human beings, the emotions and the fucking feelings and the shit that afterwards, you know, they say Hindsight is 2020 I thought of all the things I should have or could have done instead of backing into the vehicle. But of course, I was in a hurry, and I was doing something for someone else. Hey, go. Yep, instead of myself. Oh my god.
Nancy:
So anyway, that's one of the things that we want to talk about is
Nick:
we have talked about a few things concerning like, lessons that we've learned in the past couple of years. And it's funny, because we've been through all kinds of shit in our lives. Everybody goes through shit in their lives, like every day, right? And I think that, for whatever reason, I feel that everything that we've ever learned, or why we've learned that, and the culmination of the past two years, has just like, fucking exploded. You don't I mean, like raisins, like,
Nancy:
sized or what is the word I won that size but more.
Nick:
I know everybody uses the different words the awakening or whatever the case is, but I feel that because we are so in tune with our emotions and our feelings right now that our mind has completely opened up to the reality of a lot Have things and it's not just the past two years, I could speak for myself, it's please do for a combination of all the years of all these emotions and shit that I've ever felt and why I think I'm feeling that way. And the coolest part of it for me, we're together, we're learning this. But even individually, we're learning this on our own. Because we've really been forced to be honest with ourselves.
Nancy:
I think we're paying more attention to ourselves, I think we have more time to just really focus on us, if that makes sense. So I don't know, if that's what's happened for me, I feel,
Nick:
ya know, I think it's definitely that we're paying more attention to ourselves and that we were forced into this, right. But it is true, I think people should, without having to be forced to feel the pain of what we're feeling, should learn from this. And I think that's the point of this whole thing is that you can, I mean, we'll just get right into it. I mean, you can have all kinds of expectations, preconceived notions, you can feel that people are going to understand where you're coming from, people are going to listen to what you have to say, we could sit here for another 50 fucking years and talk about life experiences, what we've learned what we haven't learned, that's why we said from the very beginning of the show, of this whole podcast is that we're not here to give advice necessarily, we're just here to share our experiences, because we could talk to we're blue in the fucking face. And if someone is not open in their life, to receiving specific instructions, or their own epiphanies, or aha moment, or whatever you want to call it, if they're not open to receiving that, then no matter what you do, no matter what book they read, no matter what mode of motivational speaker, they listen to, no matter inspirational conversations, whatever the case is, it'll just like literally go right over their fucking head. Because if you're not open to receiving what it is not just receiving it, but then having to put it in action, then you'll never get it.
Nancy:
That's what we were talking about. That's where like, a moment it happened when we're at work, right. And you get so aggravated sometimes at work when things happen, right? And it's like, our expectations of things and the way they should go and the way people should do things are so
Nick:
yeah, yeah, for sure. I think what really hit us, and I'll speak to me, and I know, we spoke about this. So I know it's hit us, but you can speak to it on your own. What hit me was that, I felt that raising our son, that my expectation, what I was doing, was being accepted and perceived and understood, as good that everything that I was doing was specifically the opposite of how I was raised, right. And so that's how I've been living my whole life, almost to a fault of like, however I was raised, I'm going to live my life different. And the reality is, it is different, but we're still human beings. So a lot of what happens is just like maybe a watered down or watered down version of actually how I was raised, because here's the thing, just because you eat, let's say, healthy. If you don't change your mindset about a healthier lifestyle, it's not necessarily going to be good, right? Just because you change a circumstance doesn't mean that your mind changes. You could try and change whatever you want, what I where we bring this into work is I can sit there all day long. And I can tell someone, you need to do this, you need to do this, you need to do that. But if I don't understand the individual as well, or if they don't understand what I'm telling them, like specifically, it's not going to fucking matter. I mean, you could talk to your blue in the face about something. And you could tell someone, hey, you got to do this. And first of all, there's a thing like, you got to do this. And this is what we learn. And this is where some of our series is gonna go on about actually living life like, like actually a business, right? Like running a family, like a business almost right, like so you tell someone, okay, you can you do this? And they're like, Yeah, I'll do that and you walk away. And then you go back, and they did it completely the wrong way. And they could say, well, you didn't tell me how to do it. But your expectation, when you told them to do that thing was that they just automatically assumed because there was some sort of a contractual agreement, right? Like, can you do this? Yes, I can do that. So then you just assume that they knew what they needed to do. But then they did it a different way. So they did it the way that they thought it needed to be done right. and you're like, No, I needed to done this way. And so then I think that your expectation of them doing that, or my expectation or anyone's expectation of someone doing something, then we say to ourselves, okay, maybe I should have been more specific. And I should have said, whatever. So then, the next time you say you're like, okay, hey, I need you to do this. But I'd like you to do it this way. And I think this is the whole big confusing. We're all human beings. And what we have to realize is that every single minute of every day, we're all going through our own thing. Even if you tell someone to do something, or ask someone to do something, and you give specific instructions, they could be going through some shit during the day at that point, that they still don't may not even understand what you're talking about. Like I don't say understand, like, they're dumb, right? I'm just saying that they may be perceiving in a different way. I've learned that just from what we went through with our son. What I thought was that I was being an excellent dad, or you thought you were being a great mom, or sometimes you were there. And sometimes you weren't. And sometimes, you were just doing your thing, and you thought that you were doing the right thing. And I thought I was doing the right thing. We've not been told that Well, you guys were terrible fucking parents, you fucked up, blah, blah, blah. But their actions are speaking different to us. Right. And this is the same way of like, like in the workplace, especially with those being in management roles. There's such a different way that people look at management. And we don't even realize that we're just doing our job. And we're in our role, and we're telling or asking people to do things. And, and they have this preconceived notion of us already. And we have this preconceived notion of them. And everyone's going through life, just not really taking time to really understand what it takes to be an actual human being. And that's where for me, I've, I grew up with all these different emotions, right? fear, anger, being ashamed. Like, I didn't even think about it. Like I just grew up with those emotions. I never thought about it, I was an angry person or I was a fearful person. Or I thought the reason why I was fearful is because I fell six storeys off the side of a building on a fucking crane. The reason why I'm angry is because that's just who I am. That's me, and that's my makeup or whatever. And then the reason why I'm ashamed all the time is because when I was growing up, I was embarrassed because we were living on food stamps or whatever. Trivia base, actually, yeah. But what I've really realized is that all of those emotions are part of like, the human experience. All of those feelings are the feelings that I felt based off of how I was raised. Like, in me acting out in the emotional aspect of like, let's say anger, was because I'm pissed because people are not understanding what I'm saying. I'm so angry, because how can you be so dumb and not understand what the fuck I'm saying? Yeah, that's a major thing. And then, um, fury
Nancy:
eight that, that anxiety for yourself, too. I think you know what I mean? What, it's something
Nick:
I made up, like, It's me as a kid. No one understanding me or listening to what I have to say. So the only way that I could get my point across, is to just fucking go off the rail, right? or fear. Fear is in because I dropped six stories on the side of a building. Fear is that every minute of the day, I was looking over my shoulder thinking I was gonna get my ass beat. So that was something that happened a long time ago, right. And I never took care of that, because I never thought that was the problem. I never thought that was a thing and then being ashamed. I mean, yeah, of course, I was ashamed. I was fucking embarrassed. I was the only kid growing up that had no TV or their parents were walking around with fucking dresses on and baptizing in front of people and praying. Like, that was like embarrassing to me. Because it was different. I was a child, I didn't understand salvation, or any of that. So I didn't have anything to be saved from as a kid. So there was nothing for me to be thankful about for being saved. So I was just fucking straight up embarrassed. So of course, I was then ashamed of my family, and I was ashamed of that. Right. I think this is the thing that we have to understand that our emotions and our feelings, although we have them, they can be very strong. We have to realize that came from somewhere and that those emotions begin to manifest themselves bigger and bigger as you get older. And then sooner or later, it becomes this massive ball of our lives are just this massive ball of fucking emotions and feelings. And all of them are basically negative and just eating us up inside. We start to do all kinds of things to fill, or to, like, kill those emotions or fill it with somebody. And then people are like, you're you're all you're doing is building a wall. And then people start to blame you for about that.
Nancy:
All these walls that I have that I just didn't want to deal with them. So all I did was just keep putting it was it bricks, you just keep putting brick, brick, brick and mortar. Yeah, exactly. And then all of a sudden, you just,
Nick:
you're hiding behind this collide?
Nancy:
You know what I mean? Because it all comes down tumbling. But
Nick:
it's hard. Yeah. No, go ahead.
Nancy:
I'm trying to think as I'm talking. Yeah,
Nick:
it's not easy. And I think that this is where understanding human beings and understanding that we are all human beings and understanding that
Nancy:
I think it's understanding that you're a human being.
Nick:
I thought that everybody should listen to exactly what the fuck I'm saying, right? I never thought of changing my outlook. I never thought about changing the way that I looked at things because I felt that what I had gone through or what I'm going through on a daily basis was way more important. And way more productive. It was, it meant something it meant so much, that you should listen to exactly everything I'm saying. So then that goes into everything that goes into the way that you drive on the road. If someone's not driving the same way you are whatever, then
Nancy:
pissed off at you, right? Like driver in front of you were sure he could have some kind of something going on in his life or her life. And here you are beeping the horn and
Nick:
the fact that you go on fast or something like road rage. I don't know what that means. But yeah, you know, really talking? Yeah, when you were younger, but man, the older you get, you're like a grumpy old woman. Grumpy Old Men ship. Yeah, we're on the road of hot sometimes. Oh, my God. Sometimes drivers do get me aggravated. I'm not gonna lie. I think that's for everybody. Right? Everybody talked to them? Yes. Yeah. Like they can hear you hear me? No, let's
Nancy:
see there. Again, those are my expectations. I want them to listen to me dammit,
Nick:
see, but that's true, right? The expectations that they should already know that they should be doing something different. And that's for us. And this is the hard part about us is that our expectations have actually alienated a lot of people. So I've been told yes, we're still getting through this. And this is part of the stuff that we're learning. But I can understand it only because when I was younger, and I had all these people ahead of above me or whatever, that we had to listen to all the time, everybody was your boss, when I was growing up. And I rebelled against that big time, whether you were right or wrong, it didn't matter, you had to listen to what they had to say. But when you have that constant pounding of whatever it is in your face, you begin to consistently Rebel, and you begin to say, Fuck you, like I'm tired of listening to you. And I think, for us, what we're learning is that over time, if you treat people based off of what your expectations are, then that's very frustrating. And that's where we get mad. And that's what we understand. Because they're
Nancy:
always gonna let you down because they're never gonna meet, they're
Nick:
gonna let you down or any expectation that you have is some preconceived notion of a false feeling or emotions anyway, right? And so these people are going to consistently let you down. And again, when I say let you down doesn't mean that it's a bad thing. It's letting us down. That doesn't mean that they're letting go. They're not doing anything wrong, right? They're just not meeting our expectation, which we feel is letting us down. But that's just such a bullshit narrative. I don't know. I mean, this, this could be a really long conversation. These are like, the conversations that Nancy and I have sitting together and just talking about some of the things that we're learning and wow, I learned this today. And I thought about this and one of the things that I was talking with her about today was specifically about us and our expectations of other people and how I feel that I know for me at least, that my expectation has been so high for other people. And I've expected people to understand that and to be that way. And because they don't, I'm always taking every Mr. We was always getting so aggravated and pissed off. And I allowed that. aggravation in those thoughts on a constant basis. Literally get to the point, I believe that was literally ruining my life.
Nancy:
And I think for me, I don't think I ever had expectations and people. That's what it's called. But in my head, I wasn't seeing it that way. I don't know if that makes sense. No, to me, it was more or less. This way, you got to do it. Like this, right? No, I get that's what I'm saying. But I didn't see it as an expectation. It was just like, just do it the way you I don't know, whatever. This is the way you do your bed. This is the way you do the dishes. This is the way you do whatever it is. And if you don't, it's like what is going on. But in my head. I wasn't thinking that was an expectation. So I could see. Now I can see why people would what the fuck this bitch always wants this or always wants, you know what I mean, but I wasn't thinking it like, in my head. It was just the right way. But it was my it was just the
Nick:
way exactly part of that problem. Part of that thought process is that we assume that everybody knows exactly what we're talking about. Totally, because you feel or we feel that this is so simple. How do you not know totally, yes. So it's more of an assumption. Maybe then an expectation in your mind, which is even dumber? Like, I mean, I'm just being straight up. That's not a good. Yeah. I mean, you're welcome. But what what's another epiphany, that's the thing, when you work so hard, and you've been through what we've been through, and you have to you, and I, individually, and together had to crawl our fucking way through life doing what we were doing. Nobody was there to tell us. It was trial and error. Mistakes were mistakes. choices were choices, good or bad, black or white? It didn't fucking matter. Right? So when we do something, and it works for us, we just assumed that it should work for everybody else. Number one, or we just assumed that they already knew and had already been through the same thing in life. Right? And right, that's, that's totally that's ultimately what assumed? Yeah. So then we're just like, Oh, isn't this looking symbol? What the fuck is your problem? Don't buck?
Nancy:
Alright, now that we're kind of like, I don't know. I don't know if it's taking care of ourselves, or like, pay more attention to ourselves, or whatever it is. It's like you kind of like really notice some of these things. You know what I mean? Like, I'm really noticing stuff. That's crazy.
Nick:
I mean, I guess in here, people, this is why we're different. Right? For me, I'll tell you right now that I 100% with every fucking fiber in my fucking body thought that we were raising our son to be happy, healthy, kind, right, a productive citizen, all these things that that I don't feel I was raised or you feel you were raised. And when we were told that he's traumatized, I couldn't understand that. I still have a problem understanding some of it. Yes, some of it, probably. But I realized, again, is exactly what we've just been talking about. Yeah. He's a human being. And we weren't in his I'm not there. I don't know. What he went through that caused so much trauma. First of all, I didn't want to admit it, because obviously, I'm like, What the fuck, but then I'm like, Okay, if I did, and I'm fucking, first of all, we went through the emotion of being pissed off and angry. And then it's almost like traumatize yourself. There was so much pain because there's all that involved with it, because we're not really have the same relationship we did. And then to feel that we caused our son that trauma is devastating. So yes, this is where it started for me. And my mind started to become pliable, my mind started to become looser, like playdough and then turn jelly. You know, it gets softer and softer to accept the fact that number one, I don't know everything. Number two, it doesn't matter what my expectations are. They're not always going to be met. Number three, doesn't matter what my perspective is on things. People aren't going to have the same perspective or even receive or reciprocate. What you feel was the necessary or right thing you're doing at the time. All of those things, along with all those fucked up emotions and feelings. Yeah, dude, that's a big fucking blow to your fucking ego, it's a big blow to your mind, it's a big blow to our lives, what did we hear the other day, it's like, you're just cut off. It's like you're a car do a 95 miles an hour, and you literally hit a fucking brick wall. Every thing for the past 54 years that I thought I was working towards, done. Now, in reality, it's not, because all the real things, the goodness and everything, we just kept compressing and compressing it, putting it to the bottom, all those real things. Now once you get rid of a lot of these emotions, and a lot of these feelings and a lot of the fucking just the thoughts and the fucking negativity and all that shit, once that stuff starts to literally vaporize out of your body and out of your mind, then the good shit starts to make its way up to the top again, start to grow. And I think that's what's happening. And I really hope if there is hope for all of us, that we begin to realize that man, we are all different, but yet the same. And that no matter what happens, just because people don't understand what we're saying or trying to convey or trying to teach or whatever at the time. It's not about necessarily being a teacher all the time. It's not about having all the answers all the time. It's about sharing, and it's about listening. You don't have to have all the answers just having it just sometimes be there sometimes. We talked about hugging, we've been hugging more every day.
Nancy:
Because now
Nick:
I'm just saying like just that kind of touch and that kind of feeling. And that kind of just understanding, I think goes a long way. Yeah, anyway, this is what we do. We have conversations and part of our podcasts, being authentic and really just bringing out the best of us and the worst of us and just sharing it with you guys and fucking, we have three or four guests that we have coming up on the podcast that have different stories that I think you guys will find it inspiring and interesting. And I hope you guys tune in for that. Give us a like and a heads up and a thumbs up and whatever all the shit that you do for these fucking things. Hope you guys get something out of these little conversations. We appreciate you