Diabetes, Celiac, Sexual Abuse and Rape. No one should have to endure this much pain.

Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions of sexual abuse, rape, drug abuse, and suicidal ideation that some listeners may find disturbing or traumatic. Listener discretion is advised.

Our guest faced immense hardship and trauma starting from a very young age. By her mid-teens, she had endured more than most do in a lifetime. Her powerful story illustrates the human capacity for resilience and redemption. Listen as she recounts her journey through unimaginable obstacles and how she reclaimed her power. Though the road was long, she offers hope and perspective for others traveling their own difficult paths. This profound conversation explores the depths of trauma and healing.

Timeline Summary:

[02:39] A confusing diagnosis at a young age.

[08:31] Another life-altering diagnosis the following year.

[13:26] When the unthinkable started happening.

[16:55] The moment the truth was revealed.

[21:36] New struggles emerge in middle school.

[25:16] Immense pressures young women face.

[25:56] A period of feeling good before tragedy strikes.

[29:24] Blindsided by someone she trusted.

[32:52] Spiraling downward before deciding to turn life around.

[39:25] The seminar that changed everything.

[43:12] Where to turn to start the healing process.

[44:50] Giving back to others on a similar journey.

Resources:

Pathways to Successful Living Seminar - pathwaysseminars.com

Kaylee's journey demonstrates that no matter what hardship you face, you have the power to take control back and transform your life. If this episode resonated with you, please rate, follow, share, and leave a review. Your support helps more people find this podcast and know they're not alone. 

If you're digging our stories and loving the ride, do us a solid - rate us, follow the podcast, and share it with your crew. Your reviews mean the world to us and keep us bringing you more f*ck'n authentic stories. Until next time, folks, stay f*ck'n authentic!

Transcript

Nick: 0:05

We unintentionally gave up. Over time we we let ourselves down. We didn't teach or respect the struggle. Our value disappeared over time replaced with masks disguised as truth. I mean, our words became empty and our presence became obsolete. Now we face our biggest struggle, and it's time to rip the masks off. More than ever, it's time to return to our true selves. Our real identity. It's time to be fucking offensive. Wells Hello, hello. Hello. Whoa, there's a third person in the fucking room. Who could that be? You? You're not gonna say nothing. No, I'm just waiting. You're just waiting for me to say so see how it goes. She's always bitching because I talk too much. And then when I talk too much she like looks at me or mouth is just like,

Nancy: 1:04

Oh Allah. No, she's very interesting. She's

Nick: 1:07

okay. So we know it's a she. There we go. Okay, so today we have Kaylee with us. And it's funny, because how did we meet Kaylee we met because I wanted to get my vehicle wrapped for this podcast. And lo and behold, who comes out of the woodwork? Kaylee Haley. Man, it was so funny because we like, I think when we started talking, it seemed like I have known you for a long fucking time. It was pretty cool. Yeah. So of course, we get the vehicle done. She does a great job. And we went out to lunch one day, and I thought, Man, you got a pretty interesting fucking story. You're like, what did we say? A medical shitshow?

Nancy: 1:53

Oh, yes. There's a lot more. I'm just like, wow, that's DMZ.

Nick: 2:04

heard a little bit we actually had some dinner before this and Nancy heard a little bit Nancy sitting there like almost like our fate. If you just see your face, right? If we were taping this, or you know, showing it on video, you would see it but she was just the jaw drops. So let's get into this. Because when we say medical shit show, so there's a few things going on in your young 25 years life so far. She's only 25. Okay, so 55 and I saw some shit.

Unknown: 2:35

for that. Let's stick with the 25 year old right?

Nick: 2:39

What interested me obviously, we went out to lunch, and we're having lunch. And there are a few things we talked about. And then there was one thing we didn't talk about which we're going to do today. I really found it interesting because I do have a cousin who is young daughter is a type one diabetic. And through social media, and through seeing them that she had struggled really bad when she was younger. Now she's so 11 I think 11 or 12. Much better, obviously technology. Yeah, for sure. But it was so sad to see, you know, you just almost felt being a child what that might be like, so explain that to us a little of sort of that journey. What did you find out first? Because you have celiac? Yeah. You're a type one diabetic, not type two. What came first? How did how did those because you were quite young when you found that?

Kaylee: 3:31

Yeah, I originally found out when I was six years old, pretty typical symptoms for a diabetic. But for those that don't know, it can be like involuntary urinating and being super dehydrated and just not being able to like, feel really good. It's almost like having the flu, which actually it is sometimes misdiagnosed for the flu. But that kind of started transpiring. And my my worst symptom, I remember was just being so thirsty all the time. And both of my parents are nurses. So my mom had this figured out pretty quickly and said, you know, to my dad, I think she's diabetic. And he's like, No, absolutely not totally in total denial. Lo and behold, a day later went to the doctor and tested my blood sugar. And it was, I don't know, somewhere in the five or 600 range and was sent to the I was six years old and was sent to the hospital and spent a couple days there and learned really just how to live moving forward, which I remember at the time didn't feel like overwhelmingly impactful. Like I was pretty content. I was very happy in the hospital. Actually they had a lot of fun activities for kids and I get to have chocolate cake which is such a misconception for diabetics because a lot of people think that type one diabetics can't have sugar which that is not the case. Because you can just bolus insulin and eat pretty much whatever you want. And obviously healthy but nothing crazy. So I got to the hospital on my first night and you're like, here's chocolate cake and some painting. And I was like, okay, like, yeah, it really was. So it was it was a lot of fun and then just kind of dealt with it. And you know, a lot of it, I feel like in some ways is easier to get diagnosed as a child opposed to like a teenager, or young adults, because they have years of experience of their lives where they're considered for all intensive purposes, normal. And I don't have a whole lot of memory of not being diabetic. But I remember before getting diagnosed slightly, and what that felt like in the freedom that it felt like and I remember thinking, Oh, nothing bad will ever happen to me, which as a child is a very common thought process, right? And I remember the day I was diagnosed, I that that feeling just disappeared and was like, well, things do happen to people. And this is something that

Nick: 5:52

so it was a different lesson. So not only were you diagnosed as a diabetic, but now your whole mindset. Obviously, at six, you're not realizing that. So now as you get

Kaylee: 6:06

older, yeah, hits affect you somehow, like, I mean, sports or I don't know, spending a night at someone's house, or Yeah, that was a lot of that was more like, kind of difficult, I would say I had a lot of guidance from my mom. And she tried really, really hard to make sure that I was still included in stuff like going to birthday parties and sleepovers and doing all this other stuff. But really, I mean, like, there's a really big part as I think any parent would experience of terror. And not only is your child now not in your presence, but they have a chronic illness that can turn in any second and you don't wake up, you know, or the Guardian doesn't know how to handle a type one diabetic child, and some of them just aren't comfortable with it. And how do you deal with that? You know, when in the air a, right?

Nick: 6:54

Was it something because you said six? So was it something? Do you remember? You said you don't remember being diabetic? Before that obviously, did it just it just came out? All of a sudden, were you just more aware of something happening? Because you got a U turn a little older? Obviously, you don't remember any of that before like feeling? I guess you were just a kid. So I guess how would you think that you're feeling any different?

Kaylee: 7:16

Yeah, I mean, I remember the symptoms, mostly, you know, just feeling like really just sick, quite honestly. And being like, Okay, well, this is kind of bizarre, but in my head, I didn't really consider it super strange. I was just like, Oh, I just don't feel good, you know. And then that turned into, oh, well, this is a chronic illness. But at the time that didn't really dawn on me of really what that meant. Until I got a little older. Yeah. And like I handled it really well as a child. Like I did all of my own shots and all of my checking triggers and doing all that which some kids really, really do struggle with and you know, can't handle the needle aspect of it, which I mean, who really wants to get poked and prodded all the time, right. But that part never really faze me a whole lot. I just sort of handled it and was like, Okay, well, this is just you know, how to know how it's gonna

Nick: 8:04

be. Yeah. So okay, so we have type one diabetes, six years old. You're handling it, and then a fucking year later, like one year later, right. And you're you can eat whatever you want. You could do right, you're type one. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right. We're done. But no, no. Because a year later, you get hit with something else. Yeah. Tell us about that. Yeah. This is why we say the medical shitshow Yes.

Kaylee: 8:31

Oh, yeah. There's, there's a lot there. It's definitely. So diabetes is a autoimmune disease. So sometimes what can happen with that is you have other autoimmune issues, which I definitely do. But you're later I was seven and was diagnosed in a hospital in Maine for celiac disease, which is very commonly known today as being gluten free, which most people would probably think is a dietary preference, but for me, it isn't. Yeah, it's an allergy for me. So there's definitely a difference between celiac and gluten free but went to a specialty hospital and at the time, it was like totally rare and undiagnosed and wasn't like a thing and, and they told me that I had celiac and that that was why I was still having some complications. I was having thyroid issues and waking problems. And obviously, that's not normal between a six and a seven year old. So we diagnose that and then realized a little while later that my entire genetic line has this. So my family is all celiac. And this is mostly affiliated with my direct family, mom, dad, siblings, etc. But I do have quite a few aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. that all have the same thing.

Nick: 9:46

Like it just the whole idea, okay, between six and seven, celiac disease and type one, but I'm just going back to the gluten free thing just sort of blows me away because it's like, to me, right, I'm just like, all of a sudden, everybody is fucking allergic to peanuts. Everybody's got some gluten free thing, right? Intolerance is all over the fucking place. Nobody can eat dairy anymore. Like, what the fuck is going on? Like, and I say that just brag we're laughing and sort of we're talking about it. It's a real thing. But so Where's this coming? I mean, where's this coming from? I'm still asking the question. I'm sorry. We do, but we're, you know, it's there. You know, both of your parents are Yeah. Right. So I'm not saying that this isn't real stuff. Yeah, at all. Are we eating? What is going on? I don't know. I mean,

Kaylee: 10:36

I think I truly do think it's in the way that food is processed in America specifically, like there are these issues in other countries, obviously. But it doesn't seem to be as impactful. Like I mean, we just look at the obesity rate in America. And it's like, okay, well, Where's that coming from? Like, why is it that we don't know how to regulate food? And why is it that people are binge eating or not eating at all? Or like, where is that coming from? And I think in in large part, it's first because we don't have the tools to learn how to eat correctly and healthy, and what that looks like, but also, what are we actually putting in our bodies? And like, that's something that I've always just, yeah, the choices that we're making, but also, it's like, you make a choice to eat healthy, and is it really healthy? What is what on that right piece of fruit that you're getting? Even if it says organic? Like what does that actually mean? What do you know? Right, right.

Nick: 11:31

Well, it was funny, because when you said that, I was watching this you ever heard of Gary brecha? So Gary breco is a biohacker. He's, he's a scientist. Yeah, literally bio hacks. And he's like, you know, the superhuman, right? And he was saying that even just because it says organic, right? Yeah. Doesn't mean really anything. Yeah. So it's just blowing me away. Because you have the internet is filled with all these fucking people. And He even calls them the bros on fucking thing who say, Yeah, you got to do this. And he's like, it's just bullshit. It's like, straight up bullshit. And it's just so confusing.

Unknown: 12:07

Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure. So we

Nick: 12:09

could that's another whole fucking I'm sorry. I just

Kaylee: 12:13

is silly. Like, what? What is it? You're so and so I can't eat like wheat, barley and oats is the main because if you do what, so it's different for everybody. But for me, I can't digest it. So celiac is when you can't digest those products. So when you eat them, you your body gets rid of them in one way or another. So for me, it is like violently throwing up and usually that's for like, a couple of hours, but I feel pretty terrible for like two days. But for other people that can be you know, the less attractive. I mean, not that throwing up is really attractive, but like diarrhea and like that whole kind of, you know, concept and it's far more mainstream now. But I mean, right.

Nick: 12:55

Okay, so she's alright. Thank you for listening. We appreciate it. So, six years old, type one, seven years old celiac, you're going through all this stuff. You're living your life, you're you're fucking fighting it. You start getting older into the double digits. High School turns a little rough. Something else happens though. Right? And your life? Yeah, yeah. Well, how old? Were you at this point?

Kaylee: 13:26

I was like, eight, nine and 10 when this was half. So you know, I think actually, it was like, I was good. An eight. I mean, it was my own history, I don't even know.

Nick: 13:46

So this gets to be a little bit more personal, obviously. And it's it's actually pretty sad in its own right. But explain what happens here.

Kaylee: 13:55

I have done a lot of just mental health and focus on that area. And that was introduced to me after there was a neighbor of mine that was a child pedophile. And I didn't obviously, as a nine year old didn't know this was kind of happening. But we were redoing our house. My parents were redoing the house and redecorating it and it was a huge, huge project. And our next door neighbor happened to be a contractor and he was also a child pedophile. And we didn't know that obviously at the time. So we have two other siblings and all were in some capacity abuse. Yeah, mine was not necessarily in a sexual orientation, though. It could be considered that way but it was more of like touching and giving massages and like that kind of stuff. My sister was more targeted because she was a little quieter and more introverted and didn't really speak out as much where I was quite exuberant as a child. You can tell Oh, I know right, like crazy. So we have three years. Yeah. Yeah. So it was it was a rough time for sure. So my parents found out and realize the extent of what was really going on. And I mean, at this point this guy was, so I think he was 3435 years old, and was obviously our neighbor. So it was like at dinner and, you know, was really included in the family and was just another family member, right? Like, he could walk in the front door and would just be like, hey, you know, how's it going? And what to do it two or three? Yeah, so like, a lot of it was just showing porn and talking inappropriately, and that kind of stuff. And then just my sister really got more of the brunt end of it. But I mean, it's her story, obviously, I'll leave that for her to share. But for me, it was just really cuz it was really confusing time. Like, it didn't understand it was my first introduction to what sex was and how that happened in a relationship and why why this man would be attracted to, let's see how old was she like, 1314 at the time. And that didn't make sense to me. And on top of that, like he would wear women's bras and underwear. And we were all very aware of that. It was so confusing. I was like, I don't understand why a man would would wear that. Like, that doesn't make any sense. He was like, very overweight. So in my childhood brain, I was like, it's because he needs he needs support he needs I really did believe that. And I was like, That man, bro. I was like, you need some work? I don't know. Again, or age. So yeah, it was it was a very confusing time and was just really like, how did your parents find out? My brother was talking to him on the phone. And wait, so he turned to your brother as well? Yeah, he was involved in that, as well. Really? Yeah. So 203? Yeah.

Nick: 16:55

I mean, if he's that kind of person. I mean, I guess it doesn't matter if there's three or five

Kaylee: 17:00

or Yeah, I mean, seriously, it's like access, right. And he had, he had a lot of access. And that was the easiest thing to target. Anyone you know what I mean? But my brother was on the phone with him and was crying and I knew he was crying. And I could see him from my room. And I remember I remember this moment, actually so vividly. I went downstairs to get my mom said he was on the phone with with Mike, like, you need to come stop this from happening. And I didn't know this at the time. But I know now as an adult, that my sister had been talking to my mom, and there were things that she was saying that were just like, Why? Why are you saying that? Like, that's really strange. You know, like, I don't quite understand. And not that my mom's like, thought it was strange. She was more just concerned, you know? And like, Okay. And then this happened where I was on the phone with him. And she ran upstairs and took the phone and was like, he's no longer in our lives. And shortly after that, we went to the police and, you know, did the whole court thing and, yeah, so it was a rough time. It was a very rough time. Using it was a very confusing time. Yeah, I think I think there was a long term effects on that, for sure. I was gonna say, I just listened to a podcast about this. Yeah, it's very, yeah. It affects these kids. Yes. Yes. Most family. Yeah. It's funny. Like, I, I listen, and I hear I'm super like, aware of just like, children and how children are raised. And like what happens, and I read about all this stuff, like psychology and all these things that happen to kids that have been sexually abused. And it's so funny, because it feels like it's not even my own. Like, I'm like, oh, other children that have been sexually abused. And I'm like, Oh, I am one of those, like, children that has had that experience. Like, this doesn't lie. And then sometimes I'll read stuff where I'm just like, Oh, my God, I totally feel that way. Like that totally shows up in my life in like, weird, strange kind of ways where it's just like, Oh, my God, I can't believe that. That's from the abuse. Like that's from Wow, that how many went on for three years? Yeah, it was like a two or three kind of timeframe. Yeah, that's crazy. Okay.

Nick: 18:55

So, I mean, sometimes when I talk about this, I don't want to feel like I'm being light hearted about anything. But I mean, it's just so Do you realize what you went through? So like, I don't even over though? No. But I'm saying there's still more and I'm saying that we we talked about this on on other podcasts about ourselves and about how we've been through things. You go through things in life, and you don't even it's not that we don't give ourselves credit, because we don't like I said, at one time, I don't feel that I was a victim. Because to me, it was just normal, right? i You can't feel that your victim if you felt it was normal,

Kaylee: 19:34

to think and feel that it's normal. Yes. You're going to

Nick: 19:38

feel that it's normal. And then as time goes on, we realize that there are things that shaped the way we think and the way that we as we get older, and we can we can say that it was specifically because of that or maybe part of it. But I think part of the things that we don't give ourselves so I said do you realize like, I don't care if you were raised in the shoe his fucking neighborhood in the shittiest family or if you were fed with a silver spoon in your mouth? I mean, everybody has been. I don't want to say everybody's been traumatized. I don't want to. But I guess everybody has been traumatized at some point for something. You know,

Kaylee: 20:17

what is trauma? You know, like, we could get the exact question and

Nick: 20:22

whatever I'm saying that the way people feel we don't write the way that they feel, right. And that's where, you know, even with our own side, we thought, hey, we raised a great kid, and we did raise a great kid. But we obviously had contributed to some sort of trauma. And you don't think that but to admit it is even worse? When someone finally and the reason why I'm saying this is because I understand even more with with my son, I mean, you're young, you're 25. And you, you seem like you had a good family life, your parents? You know what I mean? Yeah. But it wasn't just about your parents. No. And so that's where I think that people even on this podcast, where we try to talk about shit happens to people all the time. And we that's what makes us different individuals have different experiences, and to be able to have a place where you can actually share them. Like, there's no judgment. And I'm sure as a kid, if you're having being molested, and I guess there's obviously there's wide ranges of Right, right, that people shouldn't be ashamed. Right, for what happened to them as a child. Hey, it happened. It's something that you learned from and move on. But the thing is, is that this is not even word ended. Right. Right.

Kaylee: 21:36

Now you're loving 12. Yeah, I was like, I mean, like, I went through, like middle school, middle school was started, like some of the issues with like, the diabetes. I had been living with it for a while I had a full understanding of what it meant for the rest of my life. And at that point, like the that is key right there. Yeah. For the rest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which is? Yeah, I mean, the type one a lot of people don't really understand, like, chronic, you have like different stages, I feel like have chronic illness. Mine is very every day, and every minute of every day, and what am I going to eat? If I eat this for breakfast? What does that mean? In the next two hours? Am I going to go low? Am I going to go high? What is going to happen there? What if I, am I having a hormonal thing? What if I'm on my period? What happens with that? How do I handle that? What if I get a cold or the flu, or something else that's going to impact everything? And it's like one thing works one day, and then it has to be completely altered and change for the next day. And being on top of that, and it's it's called a burnout disease? See, it's like, you can't Yeah, can you breathe? It's a burnout disease, for sure. So like, there are some some diabetics that just try and it's not working, or they get frustrated, or they don't have a good support system, or it's just exhausting. And they say, you know, I don't really want to deal with this right now. And, you know, take the day, and then what happens is long term issues with your body. But I started to figure some of that out and understood what it meant. And the word normal kept coming up for me of just being I am not normal. I was surrounded by people that were like, Oh, you're different, and you're not, you know, the same and a lot. Being a teenager, and yeah, and a lot of that like teasing, you know, kids stuff where it's like, oh, well, that's bizarre, and you know, different. Right, right. And it's like, what's the things on your arm? And like, Why do you have that? And, you know, and it doesn't seem detrimental when you talk about it like this, right? As an adult, you're like, oh, okay, you know, that makes sense. And whatever. But in a child's perspective, I was like, really, like, Oh my God, I am so isolated in this in this moment, and like, dealing with the sexual abuse stuff, and then the diabetes and being in a social environment, that's not super accepting, as I'm sure anyone with kids probably knows, as they have grown up, that can be definitely a struggle. So you know, it was that sort of experience. So a lot of my diabetes kind of stuff turned in like middle school and high school I stopped following the celiac diet, which was really bad. So gained a lot of weight and was really bloated, had seizures and issues from that, which were all related to the celiac not following that diet. And then the diabetes just sort of fell from that. Like, I didn't want to check my blood sugars, and I didn't want to deal with the technology. And I was like, well, this entire totally burnt out. Yeah, depression and suicidal thoughts really shortly followed after that, or just being like, what is the point? Why do I have to deal with this every day? whole question of why me kept coming up. Whereas like, Why do I have to deal with this and like, my siblings don't like, why did that fall on me? So a lot of that in high school, like a lot of just coming to grips with this is my body and how do we learn how to love it? And I was not there at that time, for sure. But have definitely I'm very pleased to have to have that kind of mindset of how do we love our bodies? today and how do we focus on like positive body imaging and like all that other stuff that that can be really hard? You know, I think it's hard for just people, women, especially just in general, okay, there are things I don't like now add a chronic illness on top of that. Yeah, like, Okay.

Nick: 25:16

Well, and that sucks, period. I mean, just even society in general. Yeah. Right for women society in general, is that you're always having to look around and look at yourself. And look, you know what I mean? It's so fucked up. I mean, I see dudes all the time. And they're all just walking around with big fucking guts. Just like, fucking normal. Fucking beard. You know what I mean? It's almost like Yeah, yeah, for women. I mean, I think a lot has changed. I think there's, for sure. We're talking about you now, in high school, which was not that long ago, but long enough ago to where we've changed a little bit. But something else happened in high school that just then added to this whole fucking thing. Yeah.

Kaylee: 25:56

So I was in the process of graduating, I had my life together. I was like, so happy. My junior and senior year, I had like, started coming terms with everything. I was going to graduate early, which he did. And was just really happy to get out of that environment, quite honestly, was my motivation to graduate early. I was like, This man. Exactly. Yeah, literally, and was super, super happy, was really physically fit and just like really feeling good.

Nick: 26:22

So from the time where you were suicidal, and why you and all that, yeah, so what sort of broke that mold them? So still in high school? What broke? Me? Yeah, for

Kaylee: 26:31

sure. So I was in EMDR therapy, and like, sort of during that time, so it was between middle school and, and high school that I was sort of going through that. And it's essentially for PTSD, that helps you kind of come to terms with a lot of the things that are going on in your life. So they use this a lot with like, veterans, and like, how much PTSD they experienced was very similar. For me, I got really, really good effects after that, like just really came to terms with sort of the sexual abuse and kind of what was happening there. And I had an understanding of that in some capacity, I think, where it was just like, Okay, this is something that happened, that doesn't mean that I am going to be sexually abusing other people. Because in my, in my young age, that's where I thought it was like, oh, because I was sexually abused. I will sexually abuse people, obviously not the case. But in my head. I was like, that's, that's what's going to happen, you know, and, you know, the involuntary responsible, I don't want to do that. But like, what does that mean, you know, when, and that whole, that whole thing. So I had, I just went through a ton of support, and had so much support from so many different people. And I had awesome, just great family really supportive of the whole situation. So that was really, really good. And then my mom obviously, really helped with the diabetes stuff through that, of course, at the time, I didn't think that I was like, Oh, my God, overbearing helicopter parent, but and that, and that puts a strain on your relationship. But yeah, but she really did save my body in a time where I wasn't taking care of it, until I got to a place where I was okay enough to be like, Okay, I can handle some responsibility here. I can start doing some things here. And the evolution of technology and diabetes really sort of assisted that.

Nick: 28:12

It sounds it's come a long way. Yeah. So then you got out of it, and you're feeling good. And you're fucked. You're, you're on top of the fucking world. Yeah, you're about to graduate, you're doing whatever. And bam. Yeah, you can hit again. Yeah, for sure. Tell us about that. Yeah. So

Kaylee: 28:28

I think a lot of people that have been abused in some capacity, kind of subconsciously draw abusers to them in some way. And there's been a ton of studies on this and how this happens, and why this happens, and so on. And that was definitely my case. I was I was feeling great. So I was like, I'm going to start dating. Again, that feeling of like, oh, you know, this is gonna be totally fine. And everything's good. And you know, and I met this guy, he came into my work, and he was like, you know, you're really beautiful. Like, let's go on a date. And we went on a date. And that date very quickly turned into something that I didn't want to have happen where he actually did end up raping me. And I felt at the time, really just like, shocked, totally shocked at like, I can't believe this is like happening right now. And this is super strange. And this is like one of my first sexual experiences. So your first sexual wasn't my first but what

Nick: 29:24

I'm saying your first when I say your first you know, that doesn't matter either way. But what I'm saying is that you're at a point where you work through all this shit, you're doing your thing you're, you're you're on top of the world, you you sort of have an idea of what you want to do on a path. And here you make a choice, right? And not knowing that that choice is going to turn into what it does. And now you fail you get raped by this fucking guy. I don't even know what to say about that. I'm putting together in my mind here. We've been talking chronologically since six years old, right, and I'm trying to go through my mind of how I felt as a child being abused. And I am just blown away. Because to me, my abuse doesn't seem like anything. And we're

Kaylee: 30:14

either going to, I don't know, you're either going to be pissed off and go in one direction, or you're going to be like,

Nick: 30:21

so what happened? First of all, what happened? This fucking guy,

Kaylee: 30:24

nothing, actually, I didn't do I didn't do anything about it, I was really in a state of shock. By the time I was coming around to being like, I should probably do something about this, it felt to me sort of useless. And I just never really got there, I figured that it was more useful to spend my energy dealing with what I needed to deal with, with my mental health afterwards, then going after him. And that's what I'm saying, you have to make a choice.

Nick: 30:57

It was just amazing, though, to me that even at that age, you decided to, which is really fucking awesome, because here we are at 55 years old. And we're just finally realizing that we really need to make choices to take care of ourselves. And in here you are at 18 or 17 years old, making those same choices, which is awesome, which, which says a lot to who you are. But I mean, it takes a lot to say, Well, fuck that, I'm going to take care of myself, right, I'm just going to

Kaylee: 31:28

I, I really believe in taking your power back. And when you give your power to someone in whatever capacity that is, you know, and it can be through rape, it can be through sexual abuse. And I mean, it can be a lot of different things, it can be giving your power to your boss at work, it can be so I mean, obviously rape and sexual abuse are like the extremes of this, right. But I mean, it can be to your mother and not standing up for yourself, or, you know, whatever it ends up being. And at the time, I just, I mean, there was definitely some some years packed in there where I was not doing that. But in my head, I was just, I wasn't really in a state initially, where I was like, I didn't even really process what was happening, or really called it rape initially, because I was just like, that didn't happen. Like that was just bad sex, you know, like, is how I originally thought about it. And then afterwards, and I had gotten some help, kind of after this, which we can get into a little bit later, where I started actually saying the word rape and being like, Okay, well, that's actually what this was, and was not consensual sex, and like, you know, all this other kind of stuff. But it took me a really long time to actually get there and be like, Oh, okay. And by that point, I was like, I am done with with him and that portion, and I'm going to deal with what I need to deal with. So like, definitely sort of an evolution of mind processing kind of there. But yeah, yeah. But even after all this, you still went to school? You went to college? Yeah. Like,

Nick: 32:52

scratching your head. So I think I just went through a lot of stuff on Nancy's face that she's, she's a little. So you know, people go through a lot in life, right? And then what they do is they wind up playing the victim. Yeah. Right. And then they wind up using everything that happens to their detriment. And then they they continue the cycle. And then they wonder at the end of all this time, why the fuck, you know, am I who I am, right? And Nancy's face that I can see here after knowing her for 34 years is like, so even after all this? Because we know, you know, right? We know that you're, you know, you're a strong fucking woman, you're. I mean, I'm sure we all have our days. And that's awesome. And so it's like, where did you find the strength? Like the ability? Now? I know you had people back. Yeah. But it doesn't matter. See, that's the thing that we've learned in this whole thing with our son is that it doesn't matter who's backing you or anything anybody says. You have to fucking find. Oh, my God. Yeah. So it doesn't someone could say you need to make the right choices, or you need to make this decision. But if you're not fucking strong, and you're not doing that for yourself, right, it doesn't matter. What gave you the Yeah. So again. What? What pushed you to just keep fighting? I mean, cuz it's obvious that that's what you did. Yeah.

Kaylee: 34:19

I mean, there was a while there were I didn't, I turned more to drugs and alcohol to kind of get me through like the day to day life. I was kicked out of my house and got an apartment. And my parents were very, very kind and still paid and helped me pay for that. Because at the time, I didn't make enough to actually afford that. But I moved in with my boyfriend at the time, who was for all intensive purposes, a protective figure. And the reason I was dating him was for that safety and kind of comfort that I really needed that I wasn't willing to give myself. And so by the time that I was in a place where I was like, okay, I think I can handle this by myself, you're no longer benefiting me. In some ways, I don't see that like a, like benefiting you my soul. Like it just wasn't benefit in like a shallow way but like, right, right, right. You know, I felt like my soul was just like not getting what I needed out of a relationship. People just think, Oh, it's a relationship, you know, that added it up but I'm like, I was looking for something that helped my soul grow. And I want someone that does that yeah meaningful and just really like, and I knew that I wasn't going to get that from him. I still like I just adore him as a person. Like there were definitely issues in that relationship and unhealthy habits that were going on. But he really did love me and I really did love him. It just for me, I knew that if I needed to be where I needed to be in my life, it wasn't going to be with him. So that was really what I would call my break. I took a break from my life a little bit. And then I just got to a state where I was like, I'm ready to be back. Okay.

Nick: 35:57

That's cool. Yeah. But what was that defining moment, though? There was like, people can be like, Man,

Kaylee: 36:12

I just need this. No, no, no, no. That was just like a sort of slow

Nick: 36:17

mo okay. It's not like you wake up the next morning and you're like,

Kaylee: 36:24

right, this ties into the relationship, which is why I bring it up. So I I was still in college at this point, and was just starting to kind of get back into it. Because I had dropped out for a little while. I was like, fuck this, I don't want to do that. And then I was like, Okay, I need something in my life, that's gonna help me kind of get through some stuff. And like, the rape was a big part of that, but I didn't really think of it at the time. You know, backburner, right? Like, which is just complete denial. But I talked to an old therapist of mine, and she was like, go try this program called Pathways to successful living. And I was like, I don't want to grow like this. This sounds just like, God, whatever, like personal growth. Who wants to do that, you know, I'm just like, really negative reaction to that. Kaylee, Go, just go do the stupid seminar. Okay. So really, why I had gone was I was trying to figure out how to break up with my boyfriend and not, you know, totally crushed his soul and the purpose and the process. Oh, no, not really, but kind of I was like, completely. I really was, I was like, please just like, say it in a way that's not going to be like totally heart wrenching, there's no good way to do that, by the way. And I went into the seminar, and it completely changed my life. I just was, like, blown away. It's so funny. You sit down, and you talk to people about true and real shit. And then you get this like, beautiful space of connection and understanding. And, you know, some of the petty stuff just sort of goes away. And the more openly you share, the more openly people were will receive and understand and get to a place where it's like, Oh, I feel your soul, I feel your energy coming off and knowing that it's authentic and so on. But I went into the seminar, and the person that runs a seminar. Her name is Sue Paige, and she is a very, very dear friend of mine. Yeah, seriously, she stood across from me in the seminar. And she, she had asked me why I was here. And I was like, Well, the reason is not what I actually thought it was, what I wanted to do, or what I wanted it to be, but I was like, I am here to talk about my rights and how to come to terms with that. And she just helped me get through so much of the shit that came with the race, you know, and stuff that I didn't even think was like, was there how the drug addiction and the alcohol was tied into that and how I wasn't taking care of my body and the diabetes was going to shit. And like, just all this stuff that was just like, rolling like a snowball, and you just stop it. Yeah, seriously. And I don't know if there was necessarily a point where I was like, This is what I'm going to this is how I'm going to turn my life around. And I felt like that, like I was like, I don't know how to turn my life around. Like, I don't know how to do that. I don't even know where to begin. You know, like that all just seems super overwhelming. So she just was like, start with one thing. Just do one thing. It's like that book. Make your bed. If you guys read this, no, I forget who the author is. But there's this book about make your bed and how it will bring success to your life and we just do one thing and accomplish one thing

Nick: 39:25

in the morning we wake up and we try to make your bed

Kaylee: 39:28

Yeah, and it's just it's like at least if if the rest of your day sucks. Yeah, at least I made my bed Right exactly. And she just she just presented it in front of me and was like just start with one thing what's one thing that you want to do and I was like well I want to go back to college. And you know really get into that and here we are graduate I have a continuing education in graphic design and was a straight A student and you know did the whole thing and but it started with just like okay, sign up for a class, begin one class and then shortly after that I had gone into, like other seminars that were hosted. And it was okay. Let's deal with the sobriety issue. Let's deal with the breaking up of the boyfriend, let's deal with the family issues that have come with a drug addiction, right? And what that has put my family through and how do I rekindle those relationships? And how do I start talking to my mom again, like, doing all this stuff, but it felt so like, one step at a time. And then, before I knew it, a lot of the things that I used to I used to struggle with, I didn't really struggle with anymore. It just felt so relieving.

Nick: 40:32

Yeah, you decided to make a choice. I mean, you were you had hit the point where you were like, Okay, I'm done with it. Right. That was your like your rock?

Kaylee: 40:39

Yes. Oh, yeah. For sure. And yeah, and it was, it was hard. I mean, like, climbing out of the cave that you're in, you know, cleansing. Yeah, no, it just sounds like it took about four years, I think, for me to really get to a place where I wanted to be. And that was that. Yeah.

Nick: 40:57

Wow, that was it. Wow. Okay.

Unknown: 40:59

Oh, that's awesome. What a story. I mean, because you're such a,

Nick: 41:04

I don't know, you're so like, She's a beast. I told her. I said, You're a beast. I

Kaylee: 41:10

think it's awesome. It's positive. It's, you know what I mean? Well, then still see, light at the end of the tunnel. Wow, that's great.

Nick: 41:18

So what do you think? Let's say there's a young woman, poor man for that purpose and a human being that's listening to this podcast, right? And they're just like, man, that that resonates with me or, man, I wish I could figure out how to get out of this situation that I'm in. Yeah. Is there like one thing that stands out? I know, this is on the spot right now. But is there like one thing that stands out to you the most through your young journey so far? Because this could change five years down the road? This can change. Let me tell you being 55 years old, life changes quite a bit. Yeah. And what do you see now you're gonna see different totally different time, right? Yeah. But at this point right now, to someone who's listening, what is like a single, or maybe two things, whatever, it doesn't matter that you can tell someone that's feeling at that point, whether has

Kaylee: 42:07

gone through just one of your stuff that yeah, God. Yeah. I mean, I feel like it's, it's totally different with the chronic illness and the, all the abuse kind of stuff for the abuse, I would say, start with one thing, like, don't focus on any of the other things that you're going through right now. Like, just start with one thing. For me, when I was getting clean, the best way I can do that was like, Okay, I won't smoke for one day, or I won't drink for one day. And then I've accomplished that one day. And then soon, it was like that one day was, you know, six months, of course, it took time, but finding things that can support you. And so many people do not have a strong support system in that area. So even if it's just like, some random person that you feel some connection with, talk to that person. And I don't mean like the the superficial talking the deep stuff that is really pivotal to your life. Talk about that, like the best way to move on from anything is to talk to people,

Nick: 43:12

that help is really all over them. Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah. I mean, they're in I want to stress that because I know that people feel alone, and even talking with one of our other guests, who felt completely alone, even her whole family, she felt rejected. Yeah, well, I think that she found an outlet and was able to just yeah,

Kaylee: 43:32

when you just have what you own, you're just around a certain amount of people. It's like, how do you find that? I think I mean, so many people don't have that, right, where they're like, I don't have a mom or a dad or someone that I can just go talk to you. So like, for me, it's finding something that is even close to personal growth in some way. Because you're gonna find people that have a similar mindset. So if it's a class or seminars or a book club, or whatever, that's all focused on either like psychology or mental health or personal growth, or just leadership or something along that line, where you can sit down and talk to those people. Maybe it's not about whatever core issue you have, you know, or whatever experience has been really hard. If it's not about that. Maybe segue into that.

Nick: 44:15

Yeah, because ultimately it can lead into Yeah, you lead into something just opening up. That's the whole idea behind right with the podcast is just opening up gives you freedom. It was for us. Yeah, very beginning. Opening up just gives you massive freedom. That's like, was that it? I mean, that's pretty fucking amazing. So, so then that was it, right? And you decide you're gonna go through college, you go through college, you get out of college, you go through the pathways thing, which is awesome. Shout out to pathways, right, because that was fucking crazy. Yeah,

Kaylee: 44:50

that was that was awesome. So I still volunteer in group lead there. Which is so cool. So I get to remember Yeah, exactly. So I get to lead Two groups that have been through, like a whole range of different things, you know. And that's been so just fantastic. And first keeping me accountable to the things that I've set goals to, but also to hear about those other stories and be like, Okay, well, where do I relate to that? And where do I still need to grow here? And I don't think we ever really just get over things permanently. I think they come in waves. It's like, I get five years older, and something else comes up emotional abuse, and I'm like, oh, that's, that's interesting. You know,

Nick: 45:28

what I said? It's always always change. It's always changing. Yeah, your mind. You become more aware, you become more in tune to, to the world around you. And

Kaylee: 45:41

all of a sudden, you know, and you start crying, because it's just like, whoa, shit. Yeah.

Nick: 45:47

You got to the top of the mountain. She's like, I made it. I'm like a journey for like, 75 years I made it. But no, it's hilarious. But it's true. That's cool. But then. So how are your relationships now? Because those type of events in your life probably put a very big stuff, Barry. Put a very big strain on your relationship. And I'm sure there's been some maybe some trust issues and stuff like that. Confusion? Where are your relationships at now? How are you a lot

Kaylee: 46:23

of my relationships, I struggled a little bit with, like the emotional part and being emotionally connected, mostly because I didn't want to be, and was just like, Oh, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna share my feelings with you when you're gonna be like a disaster, or whatever it is, right. But I have had fantastic partners in that have just really supported and then beautifully loving towards my experience. And usually they're, they're more good than bad. You know, I mean, obviously, you're gonna have some bad relationships in there. But like, I have learned so so much from just dating people and being like, oh, do I like this part? Do I not like this part? Okay, well, maybe maybe someone else will have more of a characteristic that I like, and just move on to that other person. And they're there for a reason. You know, you're, you're around people, for them to teach you and for you to grow from, at least that's my belief. So

Nick: 47:11

it's hard to find. It's in, let's just be real, right? I don't want to be negative Nick. Yeah. But it's hard to find someone who is compatible with that type of thinking, yeah, for sure. You, you really have to know where you stand so that in the beginning of getting involved with someone that you know what you want to go through, beyond that exact happening, then you got to figure out what you want to do.

Kaylee: 47:36

And I'm very, very clearly that I when I was like, repeatedly dating people, I was like, I'm like a real life dating app, you know, swipe right and swipe left in person. Like, I don't really like the social part. So I was just like, if it's online, you know, I'm just, I'm gonna do this in real life, you know, and just see, because like, dating profiles are just rough. So you know,

Nick: 47:59

that's part of them. Just realizing, again, going back to getting yourself together for Yeah, oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh, because if you truly don't take care of yourself first, like, really get those fuck those things fucking taken care of, then you're doing not only, not only are you doing yourself a disservice, first of all, but the person you're with who may not even be with me, who may not even understand you're doing them a disservice. Yes, yeah. Cuz you're not fucking worked out?

Kaylee: 48:26

You know? It's definitely. And I think that there's like, there's this whole thing about, oh, well, you can still grow in a relationship, even if you're not in the healthy place. And like, in some ways, I do see that. If you're upfront about whatever you're dealing with, like, I'm never going to be a walk in the park to date. I know that there's always going to be something. My personality is just very sporadic, I guess in energy and like, yeah.

Unknown: 48:57

Because that's everybody's

Kaylee: 49:00

job. I mean, it is what it is really true. But I think if you're upfront about the things that you're struggling with, and if you are in an unhealthy place, and your partner is in an unhealthy place, sitting down at a table and going, Okay, well, these are the places that were struggling, can we work together to grow in some capacity, and maybe you don't end up with them? Like maybe this isn't a long term thing, but if you need a person to support you, or hold you accountable, or whatever, like sometimes that can be in a relationship. Other times not, I'm not saying oh, all people should be in a relationship. Oh, that's totally not true. Yeah. Yes. So much growth and being alone.

Nick: 49:34

100% That shouldn't be confused where you can learn from each other. Right. But there could be a very negative side to that as well. Yes. Extremely. We realized early on in our marriage. 13 years, like Dominic was, you know, leaving the house and we're like, looking at each other going, Hey, who the fuck are you? You know what I mean? Because for 30 years, we're building this thing, right? And we went to counseling and within an hour, the guy was very high. Have the fucking guy. I mean, he was straight up. He talked to me for a little bit, talked to her and he brought us together. He says, Okay, here I have the answer. We're like, Okay, what? He said, Hey, Nancy, you want to be with him? Or do you need to be with him? She's like, well, I want to be with him. He says, okay, Nick, you need to be or want to be with her. So I want to be, this is okay. It'll be 100 bucks. See you later. And we're like, what the fuck you talking about? He said, Look, he said, You guys want to be together? Right? There's a reason to work it out. There's a reason to work. If you need it, eat if if Nick, if you needed to be with Nancy for for some reason, other than wanting to be or Nancy, vice versa, then I'd say we need to talk. But if you're willing to work and want to work things out together, or you want to literally be with that person, not because I need them for something specific. And that means that you haven't worked yourself out. Right? Yes. And so that that right, there was the only time we went seeing a marriage counselor. Yeah. 34 years of marriage. And that was it. Because I always say, every day I wake up, do I still want to be with her? Yeah, of course I do. If I don't want to be with her anymore, then why are you with them? There's something wrong. Yeah. That's awesome. So relationships are good. Yeah. Good. Good. Nice. You got a new job a few months back?

Kaylee: 51:18

I did. I graduated in the middle of COVID. So finding a job was a little rough. Let's just link it that one of those fucking millennia. Oh, my God. I know, seriously. I graduated in the middle of COVID. And really struggled to find a job for literally a year. So it was like at home on my parents couch. Not from like lack of applying. I applied to hundreds of jobs. Found one. It was corporate America. Good God for all of you in corporate America, bless your souls. But

Nick: 51:44

we just had the corporate quit around here. She's got a podcast all about for free. Yeah.

Kaylee: 51:52

Like, it's a moment. So I lasted eight months. And God helped me. I am so glad that this opportunity presented itself because I was like, wow. So I am a graphic design department head and very, very happy there. And I get to do a bunch of stuff on police cars and doing the graphics on police cars, which is so fun and a bunch of other one off projects here as being one of them. That was actually, that was a great project. I was so excited to get that. I was like, This is so cool. I love this. But I get to do a bunch of really just fun stuff and really express the creativity and cool

Nick: 52:27

stuff. All right. Well, I

Kaylee: 52:28

mean, thank you for having me. Awesome. Yeah, it was. It was crazy.

Nick: 52:35

I'm glad we finally got to do this. We've been waiting a couple months for the Miss international travel. I did.

Unknown: 52:41

I did.

Nick: 52:45

Right. All right. Cool. Well, thanks for hopping on. Yeah. Thank you. And we'll see you later. Yeah. Okay. Do you want to say no, you want me to say yes. I always end up having to say, so do us a favor. If you liked this podcast, please subscribe review or give us a good rating. We would appreciate it. Thank you. Thanks, guys. Bye