Exorcisms Were Normal For Us Growing Up

I've got one hell of a story to share with you in this episode. In this episode, Nancy and I dive head-first into the shocking realities of the church I was raised in. We're tearing down walls, sharing gritty details of my childhood experiences living in constant dread of the rapture, chasing after salvation, sanctification, and the Holy Spirit. The church's insidious techniques of manipulation are laid bare as we dissect the daily regimented rituals that held us captive - from potlucks that weren't so innocent, to speaking in tongues and even exorcisms.

Hold onto your seats as I reveal the disturbing prayers directed towards me and recount my own tumultuous actions as a teenager. An experience I believed to be my rebirth led me to question if I had truly been saved. This unfiltered, raw and real episode uncovers the sinister truth behind what seemed to be a religious group, but bore a striking resemblance to a cult. Come along on this journey of self-discovery, manipulation, and the pursuit of freedom. It's authentic, it's intense, and it's all in here. Buckle up!

[3:57] - Discussing the concept of being 'saved' and its implications.
[6:38] - Reflecting on the changing dynamics within the church community.
[10:05] - Discussing the shift towards homeschooling within the church community
[15:24] - My "aha" moment when I realized things were not as they seemed.
[22:10] - Unveiling the disturbing prayers and my violent past.
[28:45] - Sharing a transformative experience that made me question everything
[35:19] - Exposing the cult-like nature of the religious group.
[41:08] - My journey towards self-discovery and freedom.

You've walked with me down some pretty gnarly memory lanes today, seen the good, the bad, and the freakin' ugly. Remember, life's a wild ride, and it's all about staying true to yourself, questioning everything, and seeking your own freedom. If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to rate us, follow us, share this with your friends, and leave a review. It's your support that keeps us going. Most importantly, stay f*ck’n authentic!

Transcript

Nick: 0:07

It's time to get fucking authentic. Oh my god. So here we are again. Oh man. So it's funny because a couple of people have mentioned on our episode where I interviewed my mom, and it was mixed bag, where like people like, what you were gonna fucking lean into her. And other people were like, wow, that was nice. It was just like this happen. Obviously, you know, 50s I mean, this happened some years ago, years ago, and I've forgiven her a long time ago, I'll be honest with you, that really changed my perspective. As I said, it opened up your eyes a little bit, it opened up my eyes a little bit more. But it also gave me I felt released. Like I felt freedom from it was doing that. For me. She actually talked about ownership of it. This is true, not just like you weren't born with a manual neck kind of ship. There was ownership of it. And I think that Fuck, man, that's huge. I think that's huge for anybody to just have I don't know about validation. Because I know what I've felt, or what I've known that I went through is real. It gave me a little bit of freedom. And since then, I think that I have a different feeling and a little bit of a better relationship. Just because of it.

Unknown: 1:27

Sounds a little weird,

Nick: 1:29

but it's true.

Nancy: 1:30

Well, it was her perspective, too. I think that's a totally different. Yeah, we've seen it, you've seen it your way. And she's just telling you straight up like that's not

Nick: 1:41

while she's telling us straight up. But not even just her perspective, because it was perspective can be different. I think, for me, she's saying,

Unknown: 1:49

look like,

Nick: 1:51

I didn't make the right choices. I fucked up. It's not leaning on the excuse of you know, your kids were with Emanuel was no excuses. Yeah, for what she did, which is huge. Yeah, it's pretty fucking core. So I thought, this time, we would go into more of the inner workings in sort of the teachings and should of the church and a few experiences that I experienced. And then we can maybe go through a couple that you experienced, too, which again, we've already come to the conclusion that it was a completely different experience.

Nancy: 2:26

This is true. For me at least Yes. I mean, growing

Nick: 2:29

up for me, it was full gospel, Bible believing church, right. And I think the idea behind that was that, in order to get to heaven, you had to repent of your sins, you had to get saved. And this is where a lot of the difference comes in with a lot of religions maybe or denominations or whatever, but you had to be saved, but not only saved, but you had to be sanctified, saved as you accepted God, but then you had to be sanctified, while you're sitting is taken away. And then you had to be baptized in the Holy Ghost

Nancy: 3:07

filled with the Holy Ghost. Yeah, that's right. I totally forgot about that. And then

Nick: 3:11

when you were filled with the Holy Ghost that gave you the ability to speak in tongues, prophesy. And then if you were filled with the Holy Ghost, let's say somebody prophesied in a tongue that nobody understood, then you inherently there would be people who were able to decipher that prophecy. So you would have somebody who would prophesy speak in tongues and prophesied to the congregation. And then following that, there would be someone who deciphered what that person said,

Nancy: 3:46

Oh, wow. Okay, so I don't think we ever talked about this. We haven't. So with you then growing up to church, when did the song happen to you? What do you mean? Like, when did you get saved to young kids get saved? Yeah. So that's where I think and we're gonna have

Nick: 4:07

a few guests on, that I grew up with, even from the church, but I know one in particular, which will keep anonymous because some people have asked to be anonymous, and that's cool. They have jobs and a lot of people who whatever, but this person particularly said that they never even felt anything. So literally, they were just going through the motions. Now, the odd thing about this person is this is the person that I was supposed to marry. This is going to be part of the story right of how we met and how this was. And she is actually now your best friend. But yet, I was supposed to marry her. Like it was fucked up. Yeah. We had mentioned a touch of this in the very first episode, but she never felt anything, but did you feel anything? So that's fun. That's funny because as a child, it's hard to explain. You're almost forced. That's your reality, right? You see this, you're raised in this. You're raised in it. And if you don't get saved, sanctified and filled with the Holy Spirit when the rapture comes, you're not going to have it. Oh, we had to be all three of those. Oh, yeah. Well, growing up, again, growing up, this is true for you. Because if you, it was so fucked up, to be honest with you, because if you got saved and sanctified, but then you sin, then you back slid to you than you would have to almost get resynced like it was a constant. Fucking struggle.

Nancy: 5:43

I do remember that because I got sanctified Well, what I thought was sanctified. And I remember, I was out at lunch doing something and I said the word Fuck, yeah. And looked at me. And they're like,

Nick: 5:55

that's it. Yeah. And the funny thing to say funny thing, the real fucked up thing about it was, so as a kid, I'm always trying to get saved, sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost. And you would see other people around you getting filled with the Holy Ghost.

Nancy: 6:13

But I mean, were the young kids getting filled with the Holy Ghost? Well, yeah. Oh, but so

Nick: 6:17

so that was the funny thing. So I could say that I was filled with the Holy Ghost. But was that really filled with the Holy Ghost? What the fuck does that mean? I don't like I get speaking in tongues and all that kind of stuff. Absolutely. I just have to

Nancy: 6:29

remember kids doing it. Because

Nick: 6:32

by the time you had gotten there, which I had already been gone, but right by that time, a lot of that core group of us had grown up. And there weren't a lot of kids coming in with parents. Think about it. All the kids that were there had been there for a long time. Yes. And things had started to change, like we talked about, right? So it was a different. It was a different era, then, like I'm talking like, 1972 to like, 1980. That was a fucked up time.

Nancy: 7:05

So you growing up in this church? Yeah. Well, you guys like cut like you guys. Eight days a week you were going to church? Right? Yeah. You go home? Yeah. You are in school, too. Right. So you? I mean, this is like 24/7. It almost seems like when you went home? Was your mom like reading the Bible constantly to you guys?

Nick: 7:26

No, no, there wasn't like constantly reading the Bible, like you had to do your like your daily devotions. You should pray before you go to bed. There were always daily devotions. Every day in school, there was Bible class, there was daily devotions, and then going to church. It's almost like peer pressure. When you see everybody around you and this is going on. I have to say that I probably fake some of that shit. Because it was like, well, this person speaking in tongues, and this person speaking in tongues, and I could be like, I right now could just bust out speaking in tongues. And nobody else would know the wiser. Like if I was in church, right? I could just bust out speaking in tongues, like, I lived with that shit. So I can even speak. It was your tongues. Right? So it came to you. So if nobody can decipher it and say, you're not speaking in tongues, you're a fucking liar. You just did it. I honestly have to say that. A lot of the pressure from doing that. Here's the bottom line. I don't ever think I was saved or sanctified or filled with the Holy Ghost, meaning it was almost like I was forced into being saved, sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost. Because if you didn't do that you weren't going to heaven. And they were constantly preaching. You can't ride your mother's coattails. This is all on you. It's all up to you. You got to do this shit for yourself.

Nancy: 8:57

So being that young, were you afraid that you were gonna go to hell? Oh,

Nick: 9:02

that's a really good question. And let me tell you, this is some fucked up shit. I'm gonna be straight up and

Unknown: 9:11

I remember specifically in church,

Nick: 9:17

where, you know, there was always held on fire and brimstone. Always God was about to come any day now. The end of the world is coming soon. Just look around. You see the signs of the times the book of Revelation. This is the reason why they started to schools sort of homeschool you. There was no need to really like a lot of people had quit their jobs started working in the church and in the ministry. That's why we never had money. That's why we had food stamps. You know, my mom worked for a company for a little while, but then that was it. And then when my dad was gone, like there was no money coming in. My grandma worked at a button factory for a while. And then she retired. You know, there was nothing coming in. The only thing coming in was food stamps. And then my mom worked for the church. He got out of school started going to school there, eight days a week, whatever it was. So you never really got away from that. You were completely cut off from the outside world for the most part, right? Because you were always in church. You know, even when you went shopping and stuff, you went shopping with a group of people, a lot of times he as well as together. So we were always together. We were in vans and buses, and we were always together traveling and you had, like I said, Monday night was coffeehouse, and then Tuesday night is Preacher's Wife, or the preacher, the freakin good, you run the whole thing. And then she was That was her night. So So basic service would be something like, you get there by eight o'clock at night. And then service singing went, you know, half hour, whatever. And then they did like something like testimonies where people would stand up. And after the testimonies, they would do an offering, of course, you had to collect the fucking money, you had to keep them, you know, fat cats nice and fucking plumping. And then Tuesday night would be her, right. And she would teach for like, an hour or so preach for an hour or so. And sometimes, if she really got filled with the fucking spirit, she would go even longer. Yes. And you wouldn't get out of there till 1010 3011 o'clock, then Wednesday night, it would be almost the same type of service a little bit longer. But then the fat cat was there, and he fucking he had to preach. And then Thursday night was coffee house again. And then Friday night was kids service. Right. So it was the same process with the singing, but it was kids songs and all that. And then they would have like, where people would put on plays and in different shit like teenagers. Teenagers. Yeah. And then afterwards, everybody could get together. This was a one time that the guys and the girls were to hang out with each other because there were like people watching all over the fucking place. And you would play volleyball in the gym, like get together. Yeah, it was sort of that place. Voting here. And then Saturday, you know, Saturday, you would go and clean the pastor's house, or you would clean the church or you would do whatever and it was prayer. And then Saturday night was prayer meeting. So you would go there and you would be on your knees praying for hour, hour and a half, whatever, sleeping. Sleeping, yes. And then you'd wake up Sunday morning early, and you'd go to church for Sunday school, then they would preach their whatever, collect offerings just like every other night, then you'd go home, you'd eat, you couldn't do anything, couldn't work, couldn't do nothing. You had to go home, eat and rest. It was a day of rest. That was a teaching. That's what the Bible says the seventh day was a day of rest. So you literally can do zero. If if you did something you were centered, you probably back slid Sunday night, you'd get back up and you fucking go right back to church. And then it started all over on Monday. So what wound up happening was like on a Tuesday or Wednesday or Sunday night, whatever, the I forget what they call fucking action group or whatever, fucking whatever. But they would go out afterwards. And they would go out to a restaurant. And by the way, most of the people in the church, the people who were like, at the top, at least, were like, probably the most unhealthiest people. They all probably had some sort of a food addiction. Every one of them had fucking problems. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I think actually, this fucking joint brought on more stress and actually tore apart more families said it was good. But I remember, we never had money. So there'd be times when we'd be able to go into the restaurant, you have to understand that we're literally with these people, this top group of people all the time. So all these kids that we grew up together, by the way, I'm still in contact with all of those people. Who have obviously since gotten out of that, and some of them don't believe in God at all. Some of them are atheist. Some of them do believe in God. Some of them. Yeah, it's a mixture. It's a mixture, right? Sometimes we were able to go in to the restaurant. A lot of times we weren't. We had to sit in the car. My mom would go in, she'd go in with her friends. They'd wind up eating, they'd wind up doing whatever, we'd be sitting in the car waiting for her. That happened more times than I realized.

Nancy: 14:24

Isn't that crazy? And now it's something like that. Are

Nick: 14:26

you kidding me? Yeah. I mean, there'd be times when we would go in, you know, the waitress is going around saying, what are you going to have? What are you going to have? What are you going to have when it comes to me? And she's like, What are you going to have? And I'll be like, I'll have my mouse like, no, no, no, we don't have any money for that. So use limit them. Well, you'd sit there and you'd breadsticks with butter that came in the basket on the table or UD three and drink some water you know? Remember Kenny Yeah, I mean, that's so that was the idea. Christmases and thanksgivings. And all the holidays and everything was always together with these people. We did No our family outside of the church, where things really start to get fucking weird where they literally bought like nine acres out in Southern Illinois, they bought a school. Then I was raised in the thick of it. We went down there I mean room after room after room of just fixing them up with the girls and the boys with the boys and all the holidays, everybody would go down there and they would spend the night and the next day you would celebrate July 4, you would celebrate this, but you would have church and then you'd all get together and there were massive plates of food. And just everybody would cook all kinds of shit and some big ol potluck. A big ol massive potluck. Yeah. And the adults had to eat first. The children were always second best. The children are always second in line. There was never when I was growing up. You fucking sat there and you waited your turn. You were seen and not heard whatsoever. If you spoke up, you got your ass beat. If you question anything, you got your SP if you spoke out of turn, you got your fucking

Nancy: 16:12

date first, and then they fed you. They wouldn't be

Nick: 16:16

these fucking fat cats would go up there with these big massive plates and fucking whatever. I'm not saying there wasn't food left, but you got the scraps. Let's face it, you got the fucking scraps. That's the way it was. And that's how you were taught your fucking second rate. Interest is nothing more to it, right? I'm not saying that your kid should be like Jesus Christ. But I'm saying that that's the way it was. Right? And no matter what, you you were fucking punished for it. Day after day after day, getting into the car for doing nothing. And the fear that you'd be like, you wait till you get home, you're gonna get your fucking ass beat. Now my mom didn't say it like that. But it was like you wait till you get home, you're getting a beating. And it wasn't like I'm gonna spank you, but it's you're getting a beating. She would follow through or they owe 100% This is what would happen. So then what would happen is that as a kid, I'm fucking freaked out, right? So I'm sleeping in the back. I tried to pretend like I'm sleeping. So when we get to the house, I'm asleep. And what are you going to do? Wake me up and beat me. But yeah, that's what would happen. I mean, yeah, that's exactly what would happen. You would think it wouldn't happen. Oh, she's gonna forget about it. No, she didn't forget. I fucking ask the question. So you deserve to get your ass beat.

Nancy: 17:23

That's the way it was this church? And I mean, did you as a kid get to see all those, they would have these castings of like, like certain people would go into those rooms. So if you weren't filled,

Nick: 17:36

so when we were going, Yeah, you weren't filled with the Holy Ghost that created a shield. So basically, what would happen is, oh, man, yes, they would do what? The best way I can describe it to people is the the world knows that, say an exorcism. So that was something that would happen quite a bit. I mean, they're they what they call the was casting out demons. They didn't say exorcism. Right. It was casting out demons. Oh, yeah. I mean, if that thing started to happen, they would immediately get all the kids out from the congregation out from the church, they would put everybody downstairs because the belief was that if when the demons come out of the people, they search for someone to go into. And that that was thing. So the kids were weak souls, of course. So the kids didn't have enough power to fight off the demons. We were weak souls, so the kids would have to leave. And it would be all the adults would be up there. Yeah, that I've witnessed a couple of more than a couple of times. Actually, there was one guy, I don't know, this guy probably got demons cast out of them, like every three years or something. It was just, it was just weird. And I want people to understand that. I don't know how to say it other than just say it as it is. You knew it was going to happen. It would go from someone just praying. At the end of every song, you would praise the Lord. You put your hands up and you know, thank you, Jesus, I pray Thank you, thank whatever everybody was saying at the time, right? And, well, ultimately, in the long run, what wound up happening was when we were younger, services were services. You had songs, you had some praise and other songs and praise. You know, you'd have some testimonies, you'd have the offering playground you would do the preaching and then it would be done right. I think what started to happen was the preacher the dude, you know, fat cat would starting to get a little older. And I think he was becoming more relevant. You know what I mean as time went on, and so Mrs. Fat Cat decided that it was easier just to take over a little bit more and so it went from that growing up to all of a sudden you sing only a couple songs done at the end of a praise that all of a sudden that praise. Like, dude, it was so fucking time. If you would do a praise after a song that would last a minute or two. If it started on past five, as a kid, I knew like, okay, there's going to be an outpouring. In other words, there was no more church, meaning it would turn into like this revival where all you were doing was people were weeping and crying, and they were getting filled with the Spirit and, and there were people walking up front, and they were getting their hands laid on him and people were falling to the ground. And it was just, it was fucking crazy, right. And that is almost what started to happen on the daily. Like the services were almost like not even existent anymore. But when they would cast out the demons, what would happen is, you knew that this was about to happen, when there would be a lot of commotion starting. And I mean commotion, like screaming, there would be someone that that they've I don't want to say targeted, right, I don't know how it started. But this person would just be like, overwhelmed, let's just say they would seem overwhelmed and they would start screaming. And immediately when that would happen, the leaders of the church, others, actresses or the whatever, they jump on these people. That was it when that would happen. Everybody downstairs like they if you are not saved, sanctified, filled with the Holy Ghost, you better get the fuck out of that congregation. And it was real. It happened. I seen it happen. As a matter of fact, it happened to me. Don't talk about it much. People say oh, you're fucking crazy. Whatever I will tell you. Without a shadow of a doubt. My experience is very simple to explain experience. It's not simple to understand. But it's simple to explain what happened. You didn't even know me in this congregation was hand in hand around the whole congregation praying that I would become paraplegic. Yes, to save my soul. Because at the time when my mom had kicked me out, of course, I had just gone into complete and utter madness, right. So of course, I mean, that's, I mean, yes, I did. I was very hateful. And I did a lot of bad things, but to to hope that someone would be paralyzed to save their souls pretty fucked up. Yeah. Well, when I got kicked out of church, my experience was that God is love. Jesus loves you. Jesus loves you. He's here to protect you. He loves you. You have to serve Him. If you don't serve Him, you're not going to go to heaven, you're going to hell and you're gonna burn and you're gonna have we watched movies after movies of the hiding place and Corrie 10 Boom, and all these fucking movies where they were showing where the fucking Russians came in, and they took over and the Communists took over. And they persecuted you and they put fucking sticks through your ears. And they did like all this shit happened. So you had the fear of fucking that you were fucked up. And so when I left I said to myself, if that's what love is, that I want to have none to do it. Yeah, I mean, if that's what Jesus is, and that's what love is, fuck that. I don't have nothing to do with that shit. And so I turned the other way. I turned into I don't want to say that I went full fledged into worshipping Satan or the Devil. But that was okay to do eg board thing did like little seances and all that kind of shit as a kid your your fucking

Nancy: 23:46

metal.

Nick: 23:47

Heavy Metal? Yeah, like for sure. Yeah, like King Diamond and fucking crazy shit, right? But I didn't realize how much of an impact that would actually have on me. Right. So. So on the one side, the impact of church and abuse was very real. And that being taught as love, right, but yet it was violent. The violence of everything became pretty natural to me. And I think that my mind and my body and my spirit just accepted the violence and accepted things to be fucked up. After a while, I realized that I couldn't keep going on that way. Because I would either wind up dead or in jail for the rest of my life. So I had gone back to church. And I remember very specifically, I went back to church. I was sitting in the back pews. And they started praying, praising again after song And it got to this outpouring. an outpouring was something where, if you were at a concert, you know, fucking Metallica saying this badass song. And afterwards, at the end of the concert, everyone's like, encore encore, you wouldn't go anywhere until they came back on stage to do something that's sort of like an outpouring was like, going and going and going and just didn't stop until it stopped waiting for something. Yeah. So wound up happening was there was this prophecy. Somebody deciphered the prophecy gave meaning to the prophecy. And all I felt at that time was an absolute fucking hate. The best way that I can describe what happened is it was an absolute hate building inside of me. And the only thing I remember, at the time, my whole face just turned absolutely fucking red, hot, say red hot. And somebody came behind me and put their hands on me to pray for me. And that put me over the edge. them touching, touching me, put me over the edge. Because I was there. Because I knew if I kept doing what I was doing that I would be in jail, dead or in jail. And still, the fear in me through all of this was that I would go to hell. But then at some point, I accepted that. And I was like, Okay, so I'm going to help

Nancy: 26:35

you came back to a place that you couldn't just like my mom says, and that's exactly what I was.

Nick: 26:42

It has it has it grips you. It's fucking grips you. And, and I just was sitting there. And this dude's got his hands on me. And to be honest with you, this dude in particular, was a really nice guy. There was no malice there. It wasn't even a leader like this guy literally came to me sincere sincerely because he was doing what he believed. And he was literally just showing me kindness in his own way, right? Because most people that went to his church, were sincere people. Don't get me wrong. Not everybody in that church was a fucking asshole. So this guy put his hands on me, and I lost it. I fucking lost it. I lost it. I started punching the fucking the the bench and in front of me. And I'm just fucking bang and like you're at a sports event in your head in the seats. But now I'm just punching it. So this is the same thing I experienced as I was growing up as a kid. And so now, more people are starting to come behind me. And now people are shifting out. It's an out of the body experience. To lose control like that. I've lost control, like literally lost control in my life, I'd say probably three times. And this was one of them. All I remember is banging, banging, banging, and them shoveling people out in them saying, you know, in the name of Jesus, and this is how they would do it in the name of Jesus, I command you to come out, I command you to come out. And I'm fighting. Right now I'm fighting. And they're holding me down on the bench. So I'm in between the benches, which is a small, it's a very small area. So. So now I'm on the bench and I'm on my back. And all I remember is them saying I commend you to come on, I command you to come out. And what they would do is they would ask, What is your name? What is your name? You know, depending on how many demons were in you, they would want the name of each demon or whatever. And then they would command them by their name to commodity. Oh, I see. By time I was done with this whole ordeal. All I remember as this is going on, is I kept spitting up the most foul tasting

Unknown: 29:16

phlegm in my life.

Nick: 29:20

And every time they would say I command you to come out I command you to come out. It would be like this foul tasting fucking phlegm. It was like the nastiest greenish fucking phlegm that there was. Wow. And at the end at the end of that

Unknown: 29:39

I was exhausted.

Nancy: 29:43

Everyone was always exhausted, exhausted.

Nick: 29:47

But I felt so fucking light. Like it was the weirdest, most unbelievable experience I've ever had in my life. And I know There are going to be people who are going to listen to this. And they're going to think I'm a fucking nutjob. And I don't give a fuck, right? We this is fucking authentic, right? I like, I know what I went through in my life. I know what I went through that day. I know what I went through that night.

Unknown: 30:21

And it was real. There's, there's absolutely no denying it. It was real. And of course, I'm sitting here and I'm just like, we have course it was we'll,

Nancy: 30:36

I mean, you were in a very stressful situation. You were very upset. Yep, I get what you're saying that people might think you're crazy. You know, when I'm, I'm looking at all of this stuff at the church when it would happen. And I just always thought that it was just people

Nick: 30:56

just creating this. Yeah. When you work yourself up, you know it just and I've asked myself that question. Because you're so such an angry, I was very angry. But that's what I'm saying. So I don't discount it. I was a 18 year old, young man, who was very violent and hateful. And I hated everybody and everything. I never had relationships. It was a relationship of either sexual preference, or I didn't care about anybody. So was it something I went through that again?

Nancy: 31:41

Did that's what they wanted? Yes. We have always.

Nick: 31:45

It was easier to manipulate. And they you heard my mom, you know, it's the same thing, right?

Nancy: 31:49

I mean, when that happens, they were so ecstatic that that happens. You know what I mean? Like, we finally got him after that. That's when he was so

Nick: 31:58

right or something. Yeah. So so what happens is after that, they're like, Okay, so contrary to your, you know, this is great. So, now we're going to ship you off to the school that we bought, we still don't really trust you. Because you're, you're such a fucking womanizer. And you're going to turn you know, you're just going to seduce everybody in the fucking church, we're going to send you out to Wellington. And we're going to pay you $50 a week to stay out there. But you're just going to have a place to stay in your house. And you're gonna stay out there with his other dudes, which is another whole fucking story. The stories go on and on and on. And but I go out to this place, I'm sort of still excommunicated, but under sort of a supervision of this dude, well, it's because this dude who I look, I get along with everybody, and I'm not here to badmouth anybody,

Nancy: 32:48

but this. This ordeal just happen to you. How did you feel afterward? The Exorcism or the kiss whatever it was, that happened. I felt like I said, I felt reborn. So then when they sent you out there did the anger come back. Did you like

Nick: 33:04

was cool. So when they sent me out there, I'm like, off this is actually pretty cool.

Nancy: 33:08

You left? You wanted to come back because this was a safe haven safe place. This happens to you. Yeah. They then ship you out. Yeah. to Wellington. Yeah. And you're ecstatic, right? Because,

Nick: 33:23

because I really don't have to go to church. It was funny, because the dude that was there, he was able to do the same thing. He actually was probably pissed because I was coming out because I rocked his boat, you know, like, I messed up his whole world, because now he was forced to do devotions with me and have this kind of sense. But then he would, hey, maybe we do that a little later. You know, I'm gonna go to the store. What he's doing is he's going down the block to fuck some chick, like, it's hilarious. It's like, it was but again, I mean, it was in the end of it all. It was really a fucking joke, right? I mean, like, people are humans and they got their lives and I don't care if you think you're safe, sanctified, filled with the Holy Ghost. I mean, everybody inherently is doing what they want, right? You could be under some sort of condemnation and stress and, and whatever but at the end of the day, you're still going to live your life like it's a fact that the fat cats in the fucking church, Mr. Fat Cat, Mrs. Fat Cat and fat cat kids are all fucking doing their own thing. Right? Right. I said it in the first episode. I mean, they're watching TV, they're fucking taking medicine or doing whatever. And they're preaching on the pulpit that you can't do

Nancy: 34:28

that shit. But you were happy. You were but I knew it. But I was like, you know why we're in a safe place. Dude,

Nick: 34:35

I was safe. I wasn't going to jail. Right? I had food. Right? Right. It was almost like going to jail. And out there. I don't have to answer anybody paid lunch just because I had the demons cast out of me. And just because I was it doesn't mean that I still wasn't a human being right. You could I still wasn't still hateful a little bit in that I still had some violent tendencies. So it wasn't

Nancy: 34:55

that that was your saved and sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost. Notice that had nothing to do with me to be honest with you at all at that point,

Nick: 35:04

none of that mattered to me. At this point, things had started to sort of turn in the church. One of the reasons why I did come back is because I did realize it here that it wasn't as strict as it used to be. It wasn't not to the extent wasn't you guys were going on I was growing up, it sort of wasn't like that. So that was part of the whole weakening in that transition that was going on. Gotcha. So I get back there. And this dude, and like I said, I love this dude. Like, seriously, man. Everybody who came there was like the same whipped off, you stuck around as a pack. Like, you'd be like, it was just one of those. You know, I mean, it's human. It's human. But anyway, so I get back there, and I'm with this dude, and everything's going fine. And after, I don't know, I want to say it was probably about a month or two. I'm like, Okay, so can I come back? Okay, so I can come back with it. And they kept pushing me off to be honest with you. But you know, my friends at ship everybody I grew up with was still there. Not a lot of people had left it still at that point. Yeah. Right. Like my brother was still insurance. Like, all my friends were still like, I was one of the only ones literally, beside the other dude, that got kicked out. But I wish I haven't seen for years. I wish I could, because I love that do too. But we don't talk names here. I mean, it is what it is my family a couple names. But that's it. But anyway, finally, I was able to come back. And I think what we're gonna do is when I came back, that's when I met you. Yes. Because I didn't even know that I didn't know you at that point. Right. I just came back. And then I don't meet you. First know, I mean, your best friends are one of your best friends. So that's what we're gonna leave it today. We wanted to bring you guys into it a little more of how the story is and what it entails Church and the way it Yeah. And like I said, Well, somebody has questions or they want to know about forgiveness and how it's even possible. You guys are going to hear we're going to talk more about that. We're going to pick it up next time and talk about then when I came back meeting you and how we got together. That's where the real shit happens.

Nancy: 37:22

Talk to you later.

Nick: 37:26

Beeps Have a great day.